30 Years Later I Can Finally Say.........

Tonight, many of my high school friends will get together in my hometown, to celebrate 30 years of our graduating high school.  I won't be there to celebrate with them, but I have enjoyed catching up on Facebook with many of them.  So since I can't be there to talk about what life has brought to us over the past 30 years, I thought it would be a good subject to blog about. When I graduated from high school, I really was clueless as to what I wanted to do with my life.  I went away to college and chose a major in Physical Education.  Why?  I have no idea!!!!!  I had no idea what I wanted to do but had to pick something and that is what I chose.  That didn't last long.

This was me 30 years ago in my Senior Portrait:



 

 This photo really does just crack me up.  It so does not represent what I looked like in high school at ALL!!!!!!  I was not even allowed to wear make-up until I turned 18 but you would sure never know it from this photo.  I was also NOT allowed to color my hair or have a professional color my hair.  Clearly, this is not my natural hair color though.  I worked as a lifeguard during the summers and this particular summer I really, really wanted to have lighter highlights in my hair.  Knowing I couldn't go and have it done or get my friend Karin to do it, I took matters into my own sneaky hands.  I took a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, yep, the stuff you put on cuts, and poured it all over my hair while I was working at the pool, sitting in the sun and swimming in chlorinated water.  I was certain that it would give me the desired effect I was looking for and yeah, I was WRONG!!!!!  My hair was a lot longer than this picture shows, but I had a lot of it cut off so as to not have to look at so much horrible copper-brassy colored, dry, damaged hair.  My mom didn't say a word when I came home from work that day.  I guess she figured that my having to live with what I had done was enough punishment for me.  And of course, Senior Portraits were scheduled to be taken about two weeks after I had done this to myself.  I would forever have a photo to remind me of the error of my ways.  So between the heavy handed make-up the lady at Caston Studio put on my face and my horribly short, fake colored hair, I ended up with a photo that resembles someone I don't even know.

This was my high school picture the year before.  Notice I have on no make-up, my hair is pulled back and I put absolutely no effort at all into trying to look good for picture day.  Truth is, I remember completely forgetting it was picture day and I had on a hoodie sweatshirt all day because it was cold.  When they called my name to go down to have my photo taken, I just ripped off my sweatshirt, didn't brush my hair at all, sat down and smiled. Snap, picture was done.  We wore our cheerleading uniforms that day which is why I am wearing that sweater.  Funny thing is, this has always been my favorite photo of me in all of my years of school, besides maybe elementary school.  It looks like me, I was being myself and I was comfortable in my own skin.

"Comfortable in my own skin" is something I really never was in school.  I never felt like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.  I remember always feeling like I had to be someone different for every group I was with so that they would like me.  As a result, I never really had a "click" I belonged in.  I was just kind of friends with everyone but not really anyone's friend.  Actually, that isn't really true.  My best friend since I was 12 years old has been Karin, but at one point in high school, she dated one of my ex-boyfriends and he didn't want us being friends so I had a good 2 years or so of us not being able to hang out together or talk to each other, but that is another story.  (why do we as high school girls let boys control us like that?  so dumb!!!! ) 

My parents were really strict and that didn't help my social life any.  I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 and I had a really early curfew, plus I had the fear of God instilled in me by my parents, so I didn't push the curfew thing or dare be late.  Don't get me wrong, I still pushed some limits, I just made sure I was done pushing those limits by 11:00 so I was home on time. I was not a saint for sure!
I met my high school sweetheart my senior year and he fell in love with me inspite of my awful hair :)  He had already graduated from my high school but took me to my senior prom and we dated for 5 years after that.  I broke up with him when I met the father of my 4 boys.  It wasn't a very pretty break up by anyone's standards, but I did do it in person, unlike today when kids send text messages or a tweet on twitter to let you know they are breaking up with you. 

I think the reason I was so quick to break up with my boyfriend was because I felt like I really was never going to be the type of girl he would want to marry.  He was working in the corporate world and I really didn't see me being the corporate wife.  I was too much of a free spirit for that and didn't think I would ever meet those standards.   Meeting someone who was from out of town and knew nothing about me gave me the chance to try to be as authentic as I could be.  And I was.  And that was enough.  For a while.

I went on to marry that man I broke up with my high school sweetheart for.  We were married exactly 1 year and 9 months later.  Looking back, it wasn't really a very long time to have been dating someone before you get married to them. When we met, he lived in Northern Virginia, I still lived in Richmond.  I packed up my belongings and moved to Northern Virginia 6 months after we met so I could be closer to him, we were engaged 6 months after that and married 9 months after that.  To make a 14 year long story short, let's just say that I gave birth to 4 AMAZING sons who are the reason for every breath I take.  I discovered that I am a really, really simple person who really, really loves life's simple pleasures.  I tried really hard to be the wife who loved wearing make-up, going out to social events, making small talk and talk about important worldly topics, but it just wasn't me.  I just really wanted to be at home with my kids and be good enough just as I was, not trying to be something I wasn't.  I had spent so many years of my teens and early twenties being someone I wasn't, I was tired of the game.  Some people are lucky enough to know exactly who they are, what they want and the path that they are going to take and stick with in life.  Then some, like me, take a little longer to find the confidence to believe in themselves and love themselves enough to not compromise any longer.  Don't laugh, but in Katy Perry's new song ROAR, she pretty much sums up how I spent the first, oh 38 years of my life.  These are the lyrics that ring so true to me:



I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sit quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

 

This is not a good way to live one's life and it brings a lot of sadness and heartache.  Being on my own was hard and I went through some really, really tough times that I don't wish on my worst enemy.  But when I came out on the other side, I was a new person who was ready to live my life as my authentic self since I had finally figured out who that was.  I was lucky enough to find a man who loves me for exactly who I am.  I told him all of my flaws and my past mistakes and dumped all of the baggage that comes with me at his feet and he didn't even flinch.  For once, because I finally was happy with the person I was, I was able to let someone love me completely and I wasn't afraid he would leave.  Robby has been my rock through some really tough times over the past 9 years that we have been together.  He loves my boys like they are his own and when my mom died 2 years ago this month, he watched me completely fall into a million tiny, little pieces and he patiently put all those pieces back together again with love and patience.  He loves me without makeup, doesn't mind that I don't want to color my hair anymore and am letting it go gray.  He is blind enough to think that the art I create is good and he is brave enough to eat anything I cook and place in front of him.  He helps me pursue my dream of raising free range, organic chickens and eggs and has promised we can have some more animals once I quit my job.  He helps me tend the very large organic veggie garden we have and even helps with the canning and preserving of all the extra we have.  Now, Robby is a hot blooded male and he does love it when every now and then I decide to put away my hippy, tree hugging, granola, crunchy-ways for a few hours and dress up a little, put on a little bit of makeup, wear my hair down and wear some shoes that aren't my Birckenstocks, hahahaha.  Lucky for me, getting dressed up to him means I can wear tight fitting jeans,  a blouse or sweater and my cowboy boots or a dress and my cowboy boots!!!  (gotta love those country boys)  We fit perfectly together, but it took me 38 years to find that perfect fit. 

 

Robby and I have been married for 3 years.  I am soooo happy I decided to be brave and get married again before my mom passed.  She loved Robby so much and knew how good he was for me and to me.  I truly believe our wedding day was one of the many, happiest days of her life and I am so glad she was here for it.  She certainly was surprised out how my life turned out and what it was that truly made me happy in the end.  She NEVER imagined I would live out in the country on 80 acres and have the dream of living off the land.  She certainly never thought I would grow to love cooking as much as I do considering I did not know how to cook one thing when I moved out of my parents house when I was 20.  I know it must have been so hard on her watching me take so long to "find" myself and settle down.  I have a gypsy soul and that is not easy for a parent to live with, I know, I have a son who has my same gypsy soul!!!!!  You never stop worrying about what will become of them. 

 

 

This is me today. My hair is only colored on the ends but that's because it is growing out from my last coloring job 2 years ago. The lovely "platinum" highlights are God's gift to me and I wear them proudly. And as you can see, I am not wearing makeup :)

 

And this is me wearing my favorite accessory, that ridiculously huge smile that appears very often and that I am proud to say, I am actually famous for :)  Okay, I admit, I did blow dry my hair straight this day.  Humidity was low and I wanted to change it up a bit, hahahaha.  By the way, I am so stinking happy in this photo because I scored two awesome vintage books to use in my mixed media art, for a whopping 50 cents a piece.  Now that will make this girl SMILE!!!!!!!

 

 







Wow, this has really turned into a long post and I am not sure it even went where I started out thinking it would go.  BUT, I do know the point was, I was reflecting on my life over the past 30 years.  It would be nice to have been able to go to my reunion tonight and talk to the people that knew me way back when.  I would love to know if any of them felt the same way I did in school and if it has taken any of them as long as it has taken me to get where I am happy with my life.  I guess that is part of the reason too that I didn't  make a bigger effort to go.  It is easy for me to chat on Facebook with people and they like what they see and read, but what if when I really showed up in person, I wasn't who they thought I would be?  I like to think that, that young, incredibly insecure Debbie is really gone, but I am not sure I am really ready to test it, hahahaha.  I know I wouldn't have the energy to change on the spot and be someone different, so they would just get what they get.  But on second thought, I probably should have gone because I am pretty sure they would all think I was just fine:) 

 

30 years later I can finally say......... I love myself, I love my life and I can't wait to see what the next 30 years have to show me.  Happy 30 Year High School Reunion to me and all of my 1983 J.R.Tucker High School classmates!!!!!!!!


Company's Coming!!!!

This is me (on the right) and my best friend in the entire world.

This picture was taken a LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG

time ago.  Can you say 26 years ago probably.  Maybe 25.

We had no wrinkles, no gray hairs, thick eyebrows and really

white teeth without using whitening strips. 

We also didn't have too many life stories to tell nor did we have

any idea what our futures held for us.  Both of us have been

through some super tough times.

What we did have then that we still have, is a love for each other

and a friendship that has survived everything that life has

thrown at us.  The really wonderful and the really awful.

I wish I had a picture of us from when we first became friends, because

even though this picture is old,  we met each other when we were 13,

that was 34 years ago.  A picture from then would be really old:)

So this was when we were 15.  We were in my backyard and my dad

was sweet enough to humor us by taking pictures.  We had made up

some silly skit and were acting it out.  We didn't have a movie camera

so still shots is all we could take.  There are several more to go with

this one, but you get the idea.  We were so odd, hahahaha.

So I guess I was a sailor who was about to be attacked by Dracula?  Who knows!!
I can't remember the story line now, but I promise you we thought it was funny and made
sense back in 1980.

Then we decided to just turn upside down on my fence and have dad take pictures of that.

We were so easily amused by ourselves, you have no idea.

Notice that even though it was clearly a weekend, I was wearing khaki pants.  My mom
never allowed me to wear jeans.  It was either dresses, skirts or khakis.

Once we got our driver's licenses, our fun changed.  We started going to

thrift stores and vintage clothing shops.  Here we are standing outside of

Luxor Vintage Clothing store on Carey Street in Richmond, "modeling"

vintage dresses.  In the 80's, it wasn't so popular to want to buy vintage clothes,

we were way ahead of our time, hahahaha.  We stopped random people

to take pictures of us:)

Great dresses and great shoes.  This was such a fun day.  I still have earrings I bought
on this day of vintage shopping.

The car also allowed us to go on fun day trips.  This day we headed off to

King's Dominion in Karin's little convertible Karmann Ghia.

We took a giant pitcher of Wink mixed with Gin along with us.

Probably not the smartest thing to admit to, but we were of legal drinking

age, and it was nice to go to the car in the parking lot and have a "cocktail".

Not so good to get on rides that turn you upside down afterwards though.

It was a great day.

My goodness I had the bushy eyebrows.  Another thing my mom wouldn't let me wear, skinny eyebrows, hahaha.

And then there were our big hair 80's nights when lord only knows what we were thinking.

I really don't think I would ever re-live the styles of the 80's, once was bad enough.

There are no words to describe the mess of hair we have going on here.

Well, Karin and I grew up.  We married, we divorced, we married again, we had children (one

daughter for her, four sons for me), we lost loved ones, we've had some of our dreams come true

and some of them never make it into reality. 

Me, Garrett (my first born and Karin's God-son) and Karin

Karin and I don't live in the same town anymore, and haven't for 23 years.  But our friendship has

never faded.  We are only a text, an email, a phone call or a two hour drive away from

each other.  She was right by my side when mom passed away 3 months ago and I will

never be able to pay her back for that.  It meant the world to me.

Tonight, Karin and her family are coming to eat dinner and spend the night with us.

I can't wait to see her.  She is an amazing artist and I can't wait to show her what I have been working

on with my art classes I have been taking. 

There are many things in this world that money can buy, but the most important things,

have no use for money.  No amount of money could buy me the gift of friendship

that Karin and I share. 

I hope that in their lifetime, my boys will find a friend that will stick with

them through all of life's ups and downs.  I feel so blessed to be able

to look back at pictures and see what Karin and I have been able to

share over the years and I look forward to what the rest of our lives

has for us to share.

A rare moment in my grown-up life:
a girl's night out.

The night before Robby and I got married.
Planning my own wedding sure made me look tired.
May 21st 2010

What about you?  Is there a friend who has always been there for you?

I would love to hear about it and sure would love to see

some embarrassing pictures just like I shared with you:)

Now, I have got to go get the house cleaned up before they get here.

Have a great weekend everybody.

XXOO





FULL DISCLOSURE?

How much is too much and how much is not enough?    Does disclosing all information make us look weak and or does it make us look human and easier to relate too?

This post is probably not going to have any pretty or funny pictures to go with it because I can't find any in my folders that relate to my topic.  Basically I am just purging and getting thoughts off of my chest.

As a parent of teenage children, I find each year brings greater challenges that I am not always sure how to deal with.  The  fact that I am divorced from my children's father also means, in my case, that I don't always have an open line of communication with him to discuss strategy.  We also don't have the same style of parenting either which is an added factor.  My husband has very cut and dry opinions on how to handle situations, but I don't always agree with him either because I am the mama and see and feel things much differently than a step-dad.

So.........I feel very lost sometimes as to where to turn for advice.

I am trying to figure out how much about our lives we should disclose to our children.  Revealing our faults, mistakes and hard times to our children, is it a good idea or not so much?  Does it help our children to open up to us and not hide things from us? 

As much as I love my parents, and KNOW that they love me dearly, I have never had the type of relationship with them where I felt I could be completely open with my feelings and tough times.  I have always been this way with them.  When I became a parent, I made the decision that I was not going to have that type of relationship with my children.  I would do my absolute best to let them know that I am not here to judge them but to love and support them in every aspect of their life.  Not necessarily agree with everything they do, but be willing to listen and be there for them.  I was sure my parents would never understand what I was going through or relate to me because I never heard one story from them about how they got in trouble as a child or ever made a mistake.  As a result, I usually ended up getting myself into worse situations because I didn't have an adult to go to and ask for direction.  My parents would be very hurt to read that this is how I felt/feel, but it is the truth. 

So, as my chilren get older and become young adults, I ask myself, how much do I tell them?  My gut reaction is to just tell every ugly little thing I have done and been through in hopes of keeping them from making the same mistakes.  But does that really work or does that just make me lose all credibility as a parent?  I know my kids need to make their own decisons and their own mistakes, it is the only way to grow and learn.  But it is soooooo hard to sit back and see it happen and know what the outcome is going to be.

I don't want my children to EVER be afraid to come to me with a problem, no matter how BIG or SMALL.  I am hear to listen, try and understand, give my opinion or bite my tongue, suggest direction and point the way.  Whatever is needed from me.  I don't expect perfection because none of us are perfect.  I just want to be the best parent I can be, not the BEST FRIEND for my kids, but the best parent. 

If I never get another comment on this blog, I don't care.  But PLEASE, I am begging you all, PLEASE sign up or do whatever you need to do to be able to leave a comment, and let me know your feelings and thoughts on this subject.  I don't normally ask for help, but I am this time, so please, feel free to tell me what you think.  You don't need to agree with me, I just want to know what other moms and/or dads think.

Have a great Friday and very happy weekend.

Time Lost and Never to Be Re-gained

Time can be so cruel.  Snatching away pieces of our lives that we never get back.  Memories that fade and only with the help of photos or written words are those memories jolted back into place.  Regrets are of no use as they serve no purpose.  Thinking of how I would do things differently is of no use either because those choices are what brought me to this very wonderful place I am in my life.  And I have to believe that even though it may be unconventional, and not the way I had expected my life to play out, it is just what it is suppose to be. 

Summer of 2002



 THESE words are not coming out like they are suppose to.  What I am basically trying to say is I miss my kids.  I miss not having them with me everyday, I miss the past 9 years that they haven't been with me everyday.  I HATE that I have a 20 year old who I never see or get to talk to, but whom I send text messages to and leave voice mails for weekly regardless.  I HATE that I have an 18 year old who is a freshman in college and who is so self-sufficient that he doesn't need me on a daily basis (actually, I don't really hate this because I am so proud of him my heart could burst, but it tugs on my heart strings at the same time.)  Then there are my "babies", my 16 and 14 year old babies that is.  The last two who have to talk to me on a daily basis because they are still close by and haven't become complete independent souls.  I know all moms go through this, and it does make us proud when our children grow up, move on and can handle their own lives.  It's what our jobs as parents is really all about, preparing them for the outside world.  But why does it hurt so damn much to let them go?  I know what my answer is, it's because I have been robbed of so many of the times I should have had.  We have had SO MANY wonderful times and memories, but there could have been so many more. 

We are a little different



2009 The boys and our  Beauty.  Trying to do a family photo which the boys are always so happy to do, hahahaha.



Beautiful snowy day.



A first for us all....zip-lining.  SOOOOO much fun and so glad I had them to do it with me.



The best groomsmen a girl for ask for.  One of the HAPPIEST days of my life.
May 22, 2010



 



















Celebrating with family in Williamsburg. A new beginning.

These are just a few of the many times we spend together.  I don't have a scanner so there are many pictures I don't have on my computer to share.  These are all wonderful times, even if we aren't all together for each get together.  That's what happens when kids grow up, they go off on their own, as they should, and are not always available when we want them to be.  These times just go by way too fast.  I WISH there was a way to SLOW down time, so each moment could last a little longer.  We don't get these days back, we get more days to make new memories, but we can never get back the time. 

 My first born and the reason I wanted so many more, my sweet, sweet Garrett.

So many of my friends are just starting out their families, so many of my blogging friends have children much younger than my own.  For all of these friends, I have one thing to say.  ENJOY and CHERISH each and everyday.  Don't let the little things stress you out and fight til the end for your family.  Our children are the greatest gift we could ever receive.  Everyday is a another chance to make a difference in their lives and to show how much they are loved and wanted in our lives. 



Move in day for Reed.



















Evan turning 16!!!  HOW did that HAPPEN?



Trevor turning 14 believe it or not, hahahaha!!











Seriously, how can this not make your heart swell?  Just need Garrett in there and the picture would be complete.




Kids are proud, not one tear shed.

So last night was Reed's graduation from high school.  It was an awesome night filled with lots of love and laughter.  I have never had so much fun at a graduation before.  The speeches given by the class president and the SCA president were funny and heartfelt.  The ceremony was short and sweet and the kids added their own personality to receiving their diplomas.  Quite a few danced their way across the stage to receive their diplomas, and my Reed was one of them.  He Dougied his way across the stage and I got a great little video of it.  It was so great to see kids enjoying themselves and celebrating their accomplishment.

As I looked around during the ceremony and especially to the left and right of me, I realized how lucky I am and how lucky my family is.  Reed had his mom and dad there to celebrate with him, plus the wonderful addition of a step dad that loves him as his own, and a soon to be step mom who I know loves him dearly.  Two of his 3 brothers were there to celebrate with him, as well as one of his grandparents.  We were all one family last night and all past problems were put aside, where I hope they will remain.  All I felt was a peacefulness that things were right in the world, and I was right where I was suppose to be.  Jokes had been made as to how much I would cry during the ceremony, and I had taken precautions and not worn mascara just in case the tears broke through the waterproof barrier.  But for some odd reason, not a tear was shed.  Not because I didn't feel complete pride and joy about the events at hand, because I did.  My heart was swelling with pride and I felt as if I could bubble over with happiness.  But all I could do was smile, laugh and sigh a huge sigh of something.  Perhaps I have finally reached that place where I have forgiven myself for our family breaking apart 9 years ago.  All I know is that it is a great feeling and I hope it never goes away.

 The festivities will continue through the weekend.  More family will be coming to town to celebrate Reed's graduation.  Another party for my nephew who is also graduating will take place this weekend too.  A new chapter is beginning in many kid's lives, and I hope that they are all excited about it, if just a little bit scared.  A summer filled with beach trips, working to make some money for college, parties with friends before everyone heads off in different directions, shopping for college stuff and dorm room paraphernalia lies ahead of all of them.

It's a great time in their lives and I hope that they all take the time to enjoy it and realize what a great time it is.  You only go through this stage once in life, and it is a great one. I wish them all the best of luck, and to my Reed, know that your mama and the rest of your family is always here to help you along the way and give you support when you need it.  We believe in you and trust in you.  You will stumble and fall along the way, and when you can't pick yourself up, we will all be there to do it for you.  

We May Not Be Normal, But We Are Family

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to any of the mom's that may stumble across this post.  Today is a special day for all the moms around and I hope all of them are enjoying their families.'s

Mother's Day has had a bittersweet meaning to me over the past 8 years.  Most of you know that my marriage to my boys' dad ended in a rather unpleasant divorce 13 years after we were married.  Most of you also know that as a result of that divorce, my boys have not lived with me for the past 8 years other than coming to visit every-other weekend and the other arrangements we have made.  Many of those Mother's Days during those years, were not on my weekend with the boys and so I didn't see them.  That has changed over the years, as wounds have healed and life has moved on.  Being a mom was all I ever wanted to be when I was growing up,  And I mean, ALL I ever wanted to be.  I had no desire to go to college, but my parents thought it was a good idea, and I never wanted to have a career other than being the best stay at home mom I could be.  I always wanted 4 kids, and I did not care if they were boys or girls.  It is sickening to hear, I am sure, but I just wanted to stay at home, a home with a white picket fence if possible and an old home, have babies, feed them homemade organic food, help them with their homework, have the house all the neighborhood kids wanted to hang out at and just be the best mom ever!!!!  Needless to say, that didn't turn out the way I had planned.  I did get my 4 beautiful boys and for a while I even succeeded at some of the other stuff, but somewhere along the way, things went horribly wrong.  The blame lies in both my ex-husband and me, but unfortunately the boys were the ones who suffered the most.  I swore I would never put my children through the horrible experience that I was sure divorce would be, but when it came down to it, that is exactly what I did. 

Over the past 8 years, I have been through therapy to deal with the enormous amount of guilt I have over the failure of my marriage and the subsequent failure of a mother I believed myself to be.  I have beat myself up and down over it, and every time one of my children makes a bad decision or chooses a wrong path to go down, I blame myself and say to myself that if only their dad and I hadn't gotten a divorce, that would have never happened.  That is an exhausting way to live and quite frankly, it sucks the life right out of a person.  I have always been known as the happy face in the crowd, the person who is never down and is always up beat.  And for the most part, I am.  But for a long time, I was really good at showing that person on the outside, while on the inside, I was crumbling apart, bit by bit. 

The one thing I know for sure about the past 8 years is that my kids never for a moment ever doubted my love for them.  I had no shame in letting them know that I made a lot of mistakes and me not living with them was because of mistakes I made, not because of anything they ever did.  The 11 years I was at home with my children, I dedicated every minute of every day to them.  I think that is the best thing I could have ever done because it laid the foundation for how our relationship would be once I was no longer living with them, though I had no idea at the time that that's what I was doing.  My children know that they are still the center of my world, and there is not a thing I would not do for them.  I wish that they didn't have to say that they are from a "broken" home but I love the fact that they can say their home was fixed.  Gary and I didn't get back together, I am remarried, about to celebrate my 1 year anniversary, and Gary is newly engaged to a wonderful woman whom I could not have hand picked any better to be my kids step-mom. 

We have come a long way from where we were 8 years ago.  It has been a painful journey, but filled with laughter along with the many tears.  I use to think a real family was one where the mom and dad lived happily ever after together, the kids stayed out of any real trouble and there were fresh baked cookies at all times.  Now I have learned the hard way, that a family has many different faces and the only one thing necessary to make it a family, is for there to be unconditional love.  My kids know they have that from both their dad and me for them, and that is all that matters.  And so in that respect, we are a perfectly normal family and I can happily celebrate Mother's Day with my kids and feel good about the mom that I am.

I would like to take one more moment to just thank my very closest friends who never gave up on me and never stopped believing in the mom that I am.  When I was my own worst enemy, you all were there to help pull me up and make me believe in myself.  Without you, I would not have made it this far and you continue to help me each day.  And to my amazing husband and step-dad to my kids, thank you for being the person you are and seeing the good in me.  You love my kids as if they were your own and for that I am eternally grateful.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms, no matter what type of mom that may be.

My babies circa 2000.  When I still lived with them.

My babies as groomsmen in my wedding 5-22-10

Evan celebrating Mother's Day with me, hahaha.

Trevor celebrating Mother's Day with me too.