Caught Up In the Practice

SO,..........I am obsessed now with my art journal(s).  It proved to be a great way to get me through the final days of October and celebrate the beginning of November.  Some of my work is quite awful, I totally butcher any attempt at making a drawing look realistic.  But, I enjoy the process and who knows, after some time, maybe things will look more real.  Or maybe not.  Reality has never been my strong suit period.

Since I have become very un-fond of Halloween, I now celebrate the two days after Halloween, Dia de Los Muertos.  I find it to be a beautiful way for me to honor and celebrate my mom and dad and then move on into the season with a little peace.  It clearly isn't from my heritage, but I am adopting it as a new Holiday to replace another.

Some of these are from classes I have taken on Creativebug, from artists like Pam Garrison and Lisa Congdon and then my sketches are inspired again by Mary Ann Moss and her wonderful style and then others are just me on my own.

Watercolors

An entry using a beautiful letter from my dear friend Harrigan to encourage and support me on a difficult day.

New day, New Month

A walk outside collecting "things" to sketch and paint.

A day spent celebrating Mom and Dad.

Oh this one is so scary!!!!!  I have really just done such an injustice to my dad and mom with these sketches.  My dad's mouth is NOT that big and his eyes were not crossed.  My mom's face was much rounder and not so pointy.  But the idea is to not over think and use a pen so that you can't fuss and erase every time a wrong line is made.  Sorry Mom and Dad.  I will try to do better next time, hahaha.

Words of encouragement from a class I did with Sarah Ahearn Bellemare.

I try to do this every day now.

Then it was time to move on to some happy, colorful doodling and painting.

My beautiful view when I look out of a window in my studio.

My wonderful space to just be Me!!!!

I hope that everyone has a space or a place to go to that brings them as much happiness as this room does for me.  For my husband, it's in the woods in a tree stand and while he is there, I can be found in here.  We all need something that is just for us where we can let loose and let down all of our guards and freely be ourselves.  I hope over time, I will let down more and more guards in this room and watch as my style emerges more and more.  

Getting Back to What I Love

Oh these months of September, October, November, December and January........funny how two major life events can put a real wrench in how you feel about 5 months in a year.  That's almost half of a year that I allow myself to be super sad and un-motivated to get out and live life.  What a waste of a perfectly great and full-of-possibilities life, wouldn't you say?

My mom and dad would be sooooooooo disappointed in me.  So, with the 4 year anniversary of my mom's death arriving tomorrow, Halloween, I have decided to not post tomorrow with my typical style of post.  Instead, I shall post today and share my art journaling and sketchbook entries of the past week.  I have always had a tendency to only go to my art in times of sadness and desperation.  A way of helping me to work through horrible, difficult times when I can not find any other healthy way of coping with the feelings and thoughts racing through my overly busy mind.  The end result being art that I love but that is not necessarily so happy to go back and look at later on.  So with that being said and made aware to me, I am turning to my art to represent my feelings everyday, not just the bad days and or months.  It may not be nearly as interesting, but it will at least better represent my life which is actually full of many, many happy and super joyful days!!!  Especially now that I have my youngest living with me full time and have his wacky spirit filling my home with even more laughter and joy, not to mention beautiful music when he is playing on his drums.

My art will still help me through the tougher days, but maybe they won't seem so tough if I have been expressing myself everyday through my art.  Grief is a crazy emotion that really just seems to get a tight grip on me when I indulge in it.  At one moment I may think I have a grasp on it and then some stupid episode on a tv show will send me right over the edge or a song or some unfortunate event in the life of someone I barely know.  I have a dear friend who just lost her sister-in-law to cancer.  This beautiful soul leaves behind 3 precious, really young children and a loving husband along with many other family members and friends.  Those 3 young children have lost their MOM at a horribly young age.  I was so blessed to have my mom in my life for 46 years and I can barely stand to think of her not being here anymore.  But then I think about those 3 children and wonder how I can be so selfish to be allowing myself to feel so sorry for myself when I was given the gift of 46 years with my mom and 49 years with my dad.  It really puts a new perspective on how I see my situation.  

Okay, so anyway, back to my happy thoughts.  Here are some photos of my newest journal/sketchbook entries. There is no consistency to what they look like.  My style changes based on what artist I am studying and what classes I am taking on-line.  The only time "my" style shows up is when I don't look at any videos and just sit down and try to create an entry on my own.  I really struggle with this which is why I am always taking classes and watching what other's techniques are.  My hope is that if I make daily entries a priority then my own style will emerge and find itself.  In the mean time, I am having great fun and that is a priority for me right now :)  

Stabilo Pencil and water

My alter ego......Poulet Chateau and her best chick, Beatrice Feathers.

(above and below)

A moment in a day of the life of Poulet.

Still needs to have some color added to it, or, maybe not.

Some wonderful snail-mail that inspired my first entry in a new journal..... a gratitude page.

A wooden board rescued from my dad's workshop last year gets a few flowers and a stamped bird.

A very inexpensive mixed media journal gets a special cover to make it prettier. Vintage bark cloth and recycled ribbon from a gift make for a perfect altered journal cover.

A class taught by Pam Garrison on Creativebug led to this entry.  Using a pen to make blind marks on a page, then going back and adding color into those shapes (above).  Then going back in with the pen and adding in what you see (below).  It took me some time to really just slow down and stare, but then I started to see the images.  Super cool exercise and every time you get a different result.  Loved this and did multiple pages of this technique.

Not particularly so great to look at, but I had fun with it.......laying down the background colors with acrylic paints and then just doodling some of my favorite things......birds and flowers and a few words that pop into my head.  No real rhyme or reason to this.

Taking cues from Mary Ann Moss and Pam Garrison I tried my hand at just sketching what is right in front of me or just my surroundings.  This was fun but I have no sense of proportion or really making things look 3 dimensional.  But hey, practice makes perfect right?  And I do like how things look when I do this and I have never been much of a "realist" at drawing for certain.

This one will get some color added to it some time today.  

This is a pretty typical style for me when I am doing more journaling than actual "art journaling".  Okay but kind of blah.  Hoping to add some depth and direction over time as I make this more of a daily habit.  

These next two paintings and pen drawings are from another exercise of Pam's.  Putting down random colors and stroked of watercolor and then going back in with pen and drawing what you "see".  The first one was pretty easy for me.  I instantly saw ocean creatures and coral.  Not many, but some.  Then the other one was a huge struggle.  Birds, "flowers" and a tiny childlike house.  I drew what I saw but I am not so happy with either one.  What I learned though is the more varied my brush strokes are, the better chance I will have of finding something in my painting without the use of magic mushrooms. (no mushrooms were harmed in this exercise I promise but from what i have heard, they would have probably helped me "see" things) 

So that's that.  Keep on smiling and enjoy your life. 

Remember.......

Life is for the Living!!!!!!!

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,
So here it is, one year since you left this life and went to be with Mom.  Oh what a year it has been. It started out as being a year of endings and losses.........having to sort through the only house I ever called home as a child, letting it be released into the hands of a stranger with the hopes that she would love and care for it as only you and Mom could, go through major Holidays without either of my parents, learn not to reach for the phone the moment my eyes opened at 5:30 in the morning to call and check on you before you headed out for your dialysis treatments and not reach for the phone again at 5:30 in the evening on my way home from work to check that you had had a good day.  They say it takes 21 days to make something a habit, but it sure takes longer than 21 days to break some habits.
But as the year moved forward, there were some happy beginnings to help ease the pain.....grandchildren graduated from high school and college, Master's Degrees were received from your all time favorite University, a new great-grandbaby was conceived, grandkids traveled around the country on wonderful adventures, living life to the absolute fullest.  As the oldest generation of our family left us, we turned to the youngest generations to help move us forward with their youth and vitality.
I have tried to move forward and live my life in a way that would make you and mom proud.  I hope that I have succeeded,  Some days are much easier than others and some days it is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other.  But as I always told you after mom died, you showed me true strength and determination with how you continued on, even though your heart had been shattered.  I think of that strength every time I feel like I just don't want to bother with anything.  Being alive is a blessing and what right do I have not to live my life to the fullest when I have so much to keep living for.  You taught me this and so very much more.
I take comfort in believing that you and mom are together again, maybe not in the way you were here on Earth, but perhaps in an even more beautiful way.  A way that you don't have worries, sorrow, pain or any negatives around you.  And I want to believe that I will see you both again someday, though I really hope it isn't too soon.  You both come to me in my dreams and give me assurance that all is okay and I hold onto that once my eyes open.  Please don't ever stop coming to me during those times!!!!
Today I wanted to go to Richmond and put fresh flowers at your and mom's memorial, but I just can't bring myself to go back "home" yet.  Not having the house to go to is really hard for me and I just feel lost when I go back.  I promise in time I will come back just to come there.  I know you understand this, as we talked so much about how hard life was after mom died.  For today, I will try to not remember this as the day we lost you, but as the day you were re-united with mom.  A very happy occasion for you and her both.  How can I not smile when I think of that?  It's like I told Becca when she found the firemen and paramedics that tried to keep you here with us, they did the very best they could, but when it came down to you having the chance to go be with mom, your beautiful love of your life, or a bunch of men trying to convince you to stay here, you were going to pick mom, hands down.  Anyone knows that.  I know she was right there by your side in your last moments on Earth to take you where you needed to go.
So here's to you daddy, may you always know how much we all love you and miss you.  May my brothers and I continue to make you proud with the way we live our lives and may you smile down always at the amazing things all of your grandchildren and great-grandchildren are doing.  You and mom have a wonderful day today and give her lots of hugs and kisses from all of us.  Love you, love you, love you!!!!!!!!
Your Doodle Bug

Another Gardening Year

A new season has begun and with that comes a new Season of gardening.  So happy to have my feet and hands in the dirt again.  Trying to grow many things from seed this year, which I started in February.  Now that I am home full time, I have more time to give to my gardening and sustainable living endeavors.  So, I must learn how to make the best use of my time. 
We have also started maintaining our own fields and those that we rent for the planting of corn and/or soybeans so we have invested in a few new pieces of farming equipment to help with that.  Robby is having a great time learning about this part of farming and is quite happy with his "new to us" purchases from auctions.
I will try and keep up with posting new photos of the gardens as they are growing and new things go in.  It is helpful for me to go back and look at over the years to compare.
I am also starting a new on-line workshop through Heather Bruggeman, at beauty that moves, called Whole Food Kitchen.  It will highlight many of the practices I already incorporate into our daily lives plus teach me many new things and ways to make the best use of the produce I will be growing this summer as well as our fresh meat and milk that we have.  So looking forward to that starting tomorrow!!!!

Peas just starting to come up.

Peas growing bigger.

Asparagus just starting to break through.

Few days later and they just keep coming and growing.

Now we harvest daily and incorporate into at least one meal a day.

Lettuces in lettuce box sprouting.

Now their true colors are showing.

Kale beginning to grow.

Georgia Sweet Onions planted.

Tomato plants grown from seed getting a little real sunshine.

French Breakfast Radishes starting to grow.

Me in my element with a garden of dirt waiting to be planted.

New toys to make life easier in the fields.

A "new to us" disk.

And a "new to us" cultipacker.

Time for Happy Hour while we watch chicken litter being spread on the fields.  Life in the country at it's finest, hahahaha.