Pushing, Pulling and Letting Go.

People have always said that being a parent is the hardest job there is. Boy, they weren't kidding. Having 4 sons ages 13 to 19, I run into various situations everyday. Trying to know when to interfere with my kids decisions and when to let them go on their own is so very difficult. I know as a child, I thought I knew all the answers and made many choices that my parents did not agree with. Many times once I got into my older teens, I made a lot of decisions they never knew anything about and surely they would not have agreed with those decisions. But, they never knew about them so they didn't have as much to worry about. In this age of Facebook and text messages, it is so easy to follow almost every step my kids take and every decision they make. This has turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing. My biggest fear as a kid was that my mom would find and read my diary, there by finding out all of my secrets. Today, just by reading the status of any of my kids on Facebook, I can pretty much figure out where their head is and what choices they are making. Now, for my younger kids, this is good because I can still have some say in what they are doing and try to help steer them in the right direction. For my older sons, especially the 19 year old, I just have to sit back, find a way to voice my opinion that doesn't seem to pushy and pray things will work out. Now it would be best if I just wouldn't read status updates and go with the "need to know only" theory, but I can't help myself. Pulling back and letting my children make their own mistakes and learn from them, have their own ewxperiences; good, bad and indifferent, and not trying to get them out of the messes they get into is soooooo hard to do. Not that I think I know what is best for them and what they should or should not be doing, but that I want to spare them the pain of mistakes and the hurt that life throws at us. I fear for them and fear they will makes choices that they will not be able to live with. I have made many mistakes as a mom and in my life in general and some of those mistakes have been very hard to live with. And I guess that is why it is so hard to sit back and watch my children grow up. Life is so hard even in the best situations, if I can make their lives easier and less painful, then my natural gut instinct is to do that. But that is not always what is best for them. Letting go and watching them take flight on their own is so very, very hard. I imagine a momma bird must feel the same when she tries to convince her babies they can fly and to make that leap from the nest. The ground must look so far away for all of them.

Lovely Rain

A lovely Thursday afternoon. I am waiting for Robby to return from Trevor's football game so he can tell me all about it and share the photos that he has taken. It is raining outside and has been since lunch time. It is so wonderful to finally have some rain since it has been so horribly dry. I wish that I could be at Trevor's games, but they start at 3:30 and I can't possibly get off from work right now to be at his games on time. Next year, thank goodness, he will be playing for high school and I will be able to go to his games at night. That will be so wonderful, I can hardly wait.

Dinner Party for 4

Robby and I are not the people who have company over for dinner often. We are the people who do things to help out our friends with farming chores, gardening, giving them veggies from our garden etc. But when we are invited to a neighbor's house for dinner, eventually we realize we have to return the favor and have them over to our house for dinner also. Now don't get me wrong, I love cooking. But I love cooking for my family and close friends that I have known for a long time and feel very comfortable around. But alas, it was time for me to pay my dues to our new neighbors Cheryl and Tom.

Cheryl and Tom have had us to their house for New Year's Eve dinner and for the 4th of July. Robby has helped Tom with several things around the property, and we have taken them veggies from the garden, but I knew I had to muster up the courage and invite them for dinner. They both are amazing cooks and are quite the wine connoisseurs so I was a little nervous to say the least. Not to mention that when we went out to lunch with them earlier in the week, we had to take Tom to the emergency room because he was unable to swallow. My stomach was in knots over this whole event.

I finally decided on a menu which I could mostly make ahead. I would start out with an antipasto platter for an appetizer which would consist of Italian deli meats, marinated and stuffed olives, cheeses, Mediterranean style marinated vegetables and homemade crusty bread. That would be followed by Caesar Salad with homemade Caesar dressing, sun dried tomatoes and pine nuts and the main dish was Roasted Vegetables and Baked Penne with three cheeses. For dessert I had fresh peaches we had picked with which I made a Peach Tart with homemade whipped cream. I had chosen wines that I thought would be good with some help from other friends and bought a bottle of Scotch which I fretted over for days also.

We had agreed on 5:30 for them to arrive and I planned on dinner being ready by 7:30. Our guests arrived and Robby gave them a tour of the house since they had never been here before. Tom and Robby went outside to see the gardens while Cheryl and I stayed inside and got better acquainted, discussed raising our children and my fears of entertaining. We opened some wine and had our appetizers and then had our dinner. We ended the evening outside sitting on the deck because the night had cooled down so nicely. Finally around 11:30 our company went home, I cleaned the kitchen up and Robby and I went to bed.

All in all the evening was a huge success. I think our guests really did enjoy themselves and it didn't turn out as bad as I had feared. I don't know why I get myself into such a frenzy when it comes to having guests over. I need to learn that I don't have to feel like I have to impress people. If they have invited me to their house before, than clearly they know what I am like and are not expecting anything different. I love cooking for people and making them feel at home in my house. I look forward to having friends over and not stressing out every time about it. Being comfortable in my own skin is a constant learning process for me, but everyday I get a little bit better at it. Next time maybe it will be dinner for 6 :)

God's little creatures and me.

This weekend I went outside to try and conquer some more of the wild and crazy flower gardens. They have grown into a colorful mess but some of the flowers are starting to die back and it is getting a little overgrown and sloppy looking. Plus we have neighbors coming for dinner next Saturday night who have never been to our house and I don't want the beds to look like a jungle to them. I am already fretting over what to cook and which wines to serve (they are quite the foodies and wine drinkers) and I don't need any other stress added to the day. So back to the gardens. Yesterday while I was working in the gardens cutting flowers down, I was so afraid I was going to come across a snake. I am TERRIFIED of snakes and can often be found singing at the top of my lungs while gardening in hopes of scaring them off. While Robby was mowing the grass, he came across a garter snake which of course freaked me out. Trevor was thrilled and enjoyed spending some quality time with the little fella. Needless to say, that was the end of my gardening for the day.

So today, I went back at it again. I was doing okay but was getting a little worried about what I was going to come across. So I asked Robby if he would get his machete and just wack some plants down for me and I would clean them up as he cut them down. The real thought behind this was that I feel much more safe and brave when Robby is around. So we were going at it, and then all of a sudden I see the biggest spider I have ever seen in real life. I cannot repeat the words I said, but it was very, very bad language. And had my mom heard what was coming out of my mouth, I know a bar of soap would have been used in my mouth even though I am 45 years old. Well, Robby's job quickly became to de-head that spider with the machete and kill it. I know it is wrong and they are good for gardens, but all I could think about is what would happen had I reached into that plant and that spider took a bite out of my hand. I came in and looked it up on the computer and found out that it is not poisonous and is called a Black and Yellow Argiope. Well, sorry little, I mean huge fella, you should have picked another garden to live in and you would still be alive today.

I know we are suppose to love all of God's creatures, big and small, and I do. But I do have boundaries. When it comes to animals that live outside, especially the eight legged and no-legged kind, the boundaries are simple. I live on 70+ acres, only 7 of which are not woods or corn fields. You live in the 69 or so acres that I don't live in and we will be just fine. Thank you very much.

End of summer days.

So today is one of those days where I just wish everything was as easy to do as I envision it. The flower beds desperately need to be cleaned up. Some flowers need to be removed, so just cut back, and others need to be cleared of other plants that are trying to smother them out. It was so nice and cool this morning, it felt great being outside and taking on this task. But then it got warmer, the bugs started to come out, and my cranky old back started barking. So I took a break and came inside and made homemade chocolate ice cream. Now that is done and I am trying to find more excuses for why I don't have to go outside and do more work.

Every year I say I am going to make my flower beds less complex, so I don't have so much work to have to do. And every year I don't follow through on that one little promise to myself. While I love the beauty of the flowers in their prime, I hate this part of gardening. I hate the bugs, I hate the chance that I will find a snake and I hate the heat. I also hated how empty the beds look once I am done.

Football is in the air and the nights are getting cooler, so I know I must finish this work. Next year I will be much happier because of it. If anyone has any ideas how to make this task easier, by all means let me know. Of course that would imply that someone besides me reads this post and as of now, I have no followers, hahahaha.

Bad Moods For No Good Reason

If there is one thing I hate, it is when people are in grouchy bad moods for no reason. Example, Robby insists on watching the news on Fox every morning. He watches Bill O'Reily, Fox and Friends and Glen Beck religiously. I have no problem with any of that except that when you spend most of your time doing that, you are going to come away from the TV angry because of all the BAD news you hear about going on in the world. There is never any uplifting news that they report on. Yes, the economy sucks right now and things are pretty tight all over, but is just sitting there listening to that day in and day out really going to change anything. Listen for an hour, then get up and turn your day into a positive day filled with upbeat and happy events, even if they are just the mundane tasks of everyday survival. Sure it is easy to sit there and wallow in how awful things are, but if you focus on the important things in life, then you will see that money and government spending, is not really what you need to let life get you down.

Grouchiness is contagious and even the happiest, most free spirited person can fall prey to it if it is not kept in check. Wouldn't you rather be known as the person who walks into a room and lifts every one's spirits just by your smile, than the person who walks into a room and brings everyone down with your bitter, cynical outlook on things. Guarantee if you try to be that upbeat person, you will find that life isn't really all that bad when you look through at least on rose colored glass lens, if not both. I am not saying there aren't problems in this world that need major help to change or that this a perfect world and you can live in bliss if you just deny reality. What I am saying is that we have a choice to make the most and best of every moment, hour, day, week or year, or we can say it is all going to hell and what is the point?

So with that, I want to share a few images that I think my lift the spirits of even the most grouchy negative person out there. Have a beautiful day and try your best to turn it around so that you see the positives and dwell on those. Peace,

Debbie

Pains, Plans and Plants

Today wasn't such a bad day except for the fact that I have an awful pulled muscle or pinched nerve in my back between my shoulder blades. It has not been so comfortable working today, but with a nice massage from my sweetie when I got home, it let up a little bit and is a little more bearable right now. Hope it clears up by this weekend so I can go to yoga and work it out some more.


Made few more plans for the wedding today. Have no idea how the ceremony itself is to take place, but luckily Meghan at work is able to help me figure it all out. Thanks to her wedding on New Year's Eve, she is able to guide me through everything I need to do. Seems odd that a girl young enough to be my daughter is helping me plan my wedding, hahaha. It just feels odd planning all of this when I am 44 years old. It was so much easier the first time I got married at 24 when my mom took charge and handled everything. But, we all know that marriage didn't work out, so maybe with me struggling on my own to get this one pulled together, it will have a happy ending forever. Just a little over 2 months to go and it will all be here. This weekend I hope to get out and do more in the yard to make it beautiful for the reception. I have a few extra things I want to get this weekend for the yard and some spray paint to repaint the chairs. Now if I can just get the music for the reception nailed down most of my major problems will be taken care of. I meet the minister and the potential pianist this Sunday and should be able to get a few more things squared away.


Robby built me a cold frame today so that I can get some early veggies started from seed. So looking forward to getting the veggie garden planted and some seeds in the ground. I am so tired of not so fresh veggies to eat and veggies shipped from halfway around the world. Can't wait to go out and pick some organic greens and veggies to use for dinner. There is something so rewarding about walking out into the garden at night and picking what you want for dinner, spending a few minutes preparing it and then eating it. I love the creativity that comes with spontaneous planning.


Soon this will look very different with wisteria covering it and bird nests hidden in the wisteria branches. I CAN"T WAIT!!!! Come on Spring.

Wedding planner I am not

So, I have a little more than 2 months before the wedding and I am really feeling like it is never going to fall into place. Even though this is my second marriage, it is my fiance's first and so I am going with the full wedding gig. Robby is the type of guy who would be just as happy going to the courthouse and getting married but his family would really be disappointed if we were to do that. So would I actually. I am determined that this is my last marriage and so I would like to treat it as my first. Only problem is, I am now 44 and not 23 like the first time and my mom is not the one handling everything for me. I have all these great ideas in my head but can't seem to bring them into reality. My future sister-in-law is being a big help. I am sure that in the end everything will fall into place, but if I could find a piano player or some other type of musician to play at the ceremony, I would feel much better. Also, I still need to find some sort of entertainment for the reception that will be at our home. Pulling all this together, plus working full time and being a mom to 4 boys ages 12 to 18 is not so easy. But in the end, it will all be worth it and a grand story to look back on and laugh about, I feel certain.
Any stories that anyone else has to share that will make me feel better would be very welcomed. So, off to look through more magazines and try to come up with some more ideas. Good night anyone who happens to come across this blog.

worries, wonders and weddings

So, today is the first day of this blog. Don't really know what I am doing, but I journal so I guess I will just do that here. My oldest son totaled his car this past Tuesday afternoon and I have been a bundle of nerves since. Tonight he drove to his old hometown to see friends that are home from college for Springbreak. I am waiting to get a text message from him saying he arrived safely now that I will worry everytime he gets into a car.
The sun was amazingly warm today and tried desperately to melt away the last of the snow. As luck would have it, old man winter won and there is still some snow here. But what a glorious day none the less. So many signs of Spring including tulips and daffodils bursting through the ground, birds waking me in the morning and the slightest hint of peonies and bledding hearts peeking through the dirt. Makes me believe that maybe by my wedding date of May 22nd, the ground will truly be dry and the sun warm.