Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None

Well, okay, not really even a jack of ALL trades, but, you know what I mean.

This is the story of my life and lately it is making me crazy!!!!!  I have always been a little off center.  Not quite like anyone else I know, march to the beat of my own drum and hard to fit it in a category.  But, not quirky enough or out of the box enough to be really good at the things those TYPE of people are good at.  You know the type I mean, the artsy ones who are able to somehow put the quirky thoughts and ideas blasting through their minds at rapid speed, down on paper, or shape into clay, paint onto a canvas, sew onto some type of medium, write into music, choreograph into a dance, fashion into a piece of jewelry, etc.

That type is who I am in my mind, but somehow, there is a glitch in my wiring and I can't get put into play those thoughts in my mind.  It is a most aggravating predicament.  I pour through pages and pages of articles and pictures of other artist's work in magazines such as Mollie Makes and any and all of the Somerset magazines wishing I had what these artists have.  I read their stories, and sure, some of them claim to have never known they had the ability and talents that they have until later in life when suddenly they realized what they could create.  I am pretty sure this is not my case as I have always, since I was a little girl, wanted to be able to create something.  I mean sure, I can look at other artists work and create my own version of what they have done.  I can read any recipe and pretty much cook or bake whatever the recipe is for and it turn out pretty darn good. But what I can't do is come up with anything on my own.  How do these artists, and I consider a chef or a baker an artist too, come up with the original ideas?  How do I find what it is, that is my style?  I love so many different forms of art and so many styles, but there must be something that is ME, my style.

I am obsessed with creating these days.  I find more and more inspiration everyday.  The internet has become a drug for me, sucking me farther and farther into a world of creating that I never knew existed.  With each new artist I find, there is a link to another artist who inspires them, and off I go to find that artist.  I can't get enough.  Every waking moment is spent wanting to make something, find my style,  my niche.  I read blog after blog and search artist after artist looking for something.  I carry a bag full of scrap material, watercolors, a sketch pad with watercolor papers inserted throughout, embroidery thread, a pack of needles, markers, sketch pencils, blank note cards to decorate just in case I get hit by a  moment of honest originality and need to get it put on paper at that moment.  I haunt thrift shops and flea markets looking for bits and bobs of old stuff: doilies, embroidered hankies, table runners, table cloths, cloth napkins, vintage fabrics and anything else I can re purpose into what, I don't know. 

All I know to do is to keep signing up for the online workshops I find, beg others to please tape their workshops so that they can be put on line and keep on creating the way that I can.  Most of what I make no one but me ever sees.  There is the rare occasion that I may give something I have made to someone, or most likely make a handmade card for an occasion. I would love some day to have enough confidence in what I do to share it with others besides the Flickr groups that are in my online classes.  I would love to come up with something completely my own from start to finish and it be good.  But regardless of who does or doesn't see my work, I am having a great time pretending to be amazing and creative.  There is just something so fun about painting, cutting, sewing together, taking apart and putting back together in a new way, gluing, drawing and imagining.  I long for the day when I can spend all of my time doing just this, but when that day comes, it will also be time for me to get my little farm animals and be working my on going garden which will sustain my family all year through.

Oh dear, I fear that at the age of almost 48, I have waited too long to follow my heart's desire.  I pray my body and mind hold out for all that I want to accomplish in my lifetime.  Perhaps one lifetime is just not enough to do it all.

I would like to thank the artists that I can think of at the moment, for all of the inspiration they have given to me.  Many have responded back when I have written them either on Facebook or their blog or etsy shop.   One I get to call my sister and have the blessing of being a part of her life and work.  These ladies all hold a special place in my heart and give me the fire and drive to keep trying to find my groove, my niche, my STYLE.

Vivian Driskill
Viv Sliwka
Jane Schouten
Phoebe Wahl
Rachelle Blondel
Tif Fussell
Tamara Laporte
Jeanne Oliver
Christy Tomlinson
Meg Duerksen
Megan Richards Modderman
Kelly Rae Roberts
Michelle Allen
Pam Garrison
Gina Rossi Armfield
Marisa Redondo
and last but not least, Frida Kahlo who was my very first inspiration.  A truly tortured soul with amazing talent.

Life Lesson's Wraped in an Art Class

I haven't posted anything new in a while. 
I have been busy working on my assignments for the Creatively Made class by Jeanne Oliver that I have  been taking.  I have loved taking this e-course more than I thought I would.  But even more than the projects, I love the camaraderie of the other women taking the class.  They are all complete strangers to me, but through a page Jeanne set up for us all to connect through, and share our art, I have found many new friends.  These are women who have several of the same interests as me and clearly a love for mixed media art just like me.  Many of my friends don't quite get the whole mixed media thing, and aren't quite sure when I show them my work, so it is nice to be able to post my projects to other women who understand it, and hear their thoughts on what I have done. 

At the start of each week, Jeanne has made several different videos for us to watch about the projects she has planned for us, but more importantly, these videos are little life lessons.  They are videos about us learning to trust in our gifts and our creativity that God has given us.  To let go of any doubts that we have, that what we do is not good enough to share with others.  To learn to not be jealous of the talents that others have, but celebrate what we have been given and nurture our own gifts.

A Vintage Journal made from old book covers and vintage elements.

 
When I was in college and took an art class, I will never forget the complete and utter fear I had when we had to show our work to the class for what our professor called "constructive criticism".  I would purposely skip class on these days for fear of having to stand in front of my peers and be "criticized"
for something I had created.  Needless to say, I didn't do so well in that class because of my refusal to show up and share my work with others.  I never even gave anyone a chance to tell me I did a good job or a bad job, I was just certain it wasn't good enough.  I also  never saw what anyone else did since I wouldn't show up to class on those days, so I really never knew if they were better than me or equal to me.  But that wasn't really the point of us showing our work in the first place.  It wasn't meant to tear us down, but to help us do better or realize that we were doing just fine. 

An Altered Journal cover. 

As I have gotten older, I have finally learned not to be quite so worried of others opinions.  Don't get me wrong, I still want to do right by others, and I would never intentionally do something wrong, but I finally have accepted that when I do my best, that is good enough regardless of what others may think.  As long as I know I have tried 100%, that is all I can ask of myself.  It may not be as good as someone else can do, but it is the best I can do.  As a result, putting my work up on Jeanne's page for us taking her class has been easy for me to do.  The women are so kind and helpful in their comments.  Some of us have never taken an art class before and have just recently decided to start creating and others are pros and teachers themselves just looking for another fun class to take.  But all of us are treated equally.  Jeanne is such a nurturing spirit and is so inspiring and encouraging in her lessons.  I feel as if I am not only becoming a better artist, but also a better person because of her class.

I took some of the techniques I learned from the first week of classes and applied them to a canvas that I made for my mom.  Her 80th birthday was on Saturday, the 21st.  My dad had called and asked us to please come to Richmond for the weekend and stay with him so he wouldn't be alone for her birthday.  I knew I wanted something different to place on her burial marker but was not sure what.  She never liked artificial flowers, so any wreath made of those was out of the question.  I decided on a mixed media canvas using her engagement picture.  In a book I read right after my mom died, Heaven is For Real, it was explained that in Heaven, no one looks old.  Everyone looks like they did in the prime of their lives.  I thought about it and decided that if my mom were asked, she would say that when she was 21, she was in her prime.  So that is why i chose her engagement picture to use on her canvas.  Making that canvas for her was very  therapeutic for me and I only hope she was watching and knows the love that went into it.  My dad, Robby and my brother Steve and sister-in-law Mary went to the cemetery together on that Saturday and hung Mom's canvas and wished her a Happy Birthday.  It was a beautiful moment shared with the people closest to me, and I would not have traded it for the world. 

My beautiful mom at the age of 21.

The finished canvas for my mom's 80th birthday.

Creative Juices Flowing

Tomorrow is a day I have been waiting anxiously for.

It is the start of JEANNE OLIVER'S CREATIVELY MADE WORKSHOP.

Words cannot describe how super excited I am for this class to start.

What I would do to have won the lottery this weekend

so that I could quit work and stay home just to do this workshop all day.

Guess it will just have to be good enough to come home from work

and start it tomorrow night.

Last Thursday I made the mistake of watching one of my

favorite shows: Grey's Anatomy.

It was a mistake because although I have been doing

better with my grief over my mom's death,

I was unprepared for the scene in which a girl had

to take her father off of life support.  On the show,

the process was much faster than how it is in

real life.  My mom did not pass as quickly once

she was taken off of the ventilator, as the actor on TV.

Re-living that night was heartbreaking for me.

It took it's toll on me that night and the next day.

Luckily, I was able to come home from work

early on Friday and pull myself together.

I did what works best for me now.  I went to my

art journal and started working on that.

This journal is proving to be a huge

therapeutic tool for me.  Little did I know

when I signed up for this class back in the summer,

that I would need it so badly.

Perhaps I was led to that class by a power greater than

myself who knew what the future held for me.

Here are a few pictures of  this weekends assignments and entries.
For those of you who are looking for some wonderful creative class to take,
I would strongly recommend signing up tonight for Jeanne's class I mentioned up top.
Just click on the link I posted and it will take you straight to it. 
Hope everyone has a great week.

My first full week.  Picking a color that represents me each day and a word to describe how I feel.
Also illustrating the weather for the day.

First Card Peek assignment.  Cut out magazine pictures for a month, then choose 1 to
recreate each week.  This weeks was the barn.

Not sure you can read it, but the directions for this page are on the left.
Divide paper into 4 rooms: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual.
Fill in room with words and images that represent how you are feeling.

Close up of page.

Following My Heart

Happy 2012 to All.

I am looking forward to this year

being a year of firsts for me.

I want life changes that I make happen.

Since my mom passed away,

I have become a different person.

I cannot explain it to anyone,

not even to myself.

But it is a sincere appreciation for life

and a driving force to want to be

a better person, that I have never felt before.

This year I want to dedicate much of my time
to being at home working on myself.
I want to work on being a better parent, a better child,
better wife and just a better person.
Through my art and through my faith,
I want to grow as a person.

I wish I could say what I feel inside,
but for the first time in a long time,
I am at a loss for words to explain myself.
Today I started Gina Armfields workshop called
No More Excuses.
I am really looking forward to everyday having something
to do in an art journal.  I have been preparing my journal
 for the past 3 months. 
It was really nic to finally be able to do some art in it.

On the 9th of this month, I will begin Jeanne Oliver's
Creatively Made Workshop.
Words CANNOT express how excited I am for this class.
I wish I could go to a class in person, that would have all the
instructors she is having at one time.  That would be heaven for me.
Between these two workshops, I feel certain I will be able to move
myself forward in my desire to pursue my creative side.
It will be through my art that I will best be able to express
what I no longer can find words for.

I would like to share a few pictures of today's entries into my journal.
Each month and day has an assignment, so what you see will probably have no
meaning whatsoever. 

I wish all of you a very happy 2012 and that the year brings you all
incredible happiness and fulfillment.
God Bless all of you.

New Year's Eve with our dear friends and one out of four of my kids.

The colors and words that come to mind when I think of January.

January's writing assignment.

My January words.