My New Year's Mantra

Today makes 2 months since daddy passed on.

Today, I came up with 2015's Mantra:

I CHOOSE HAPPINESS

This will be the last mantra I ever set for a New Year and I am starting it now.

There never needs to be another one.

This one covers it all.

With Happiness in my heart,

fear, sadness, anger, grief and guilt

have no room.

Happiness in my heart only makes room for 

LOVE.

Today was an awakening.

Nothing out of the ordinary,

just an understanding that came over me.

Another dream a few nights ago,

telling me again that they are okay,

and to please LIVE.

Live with Happiness.

Life is for the Living.

I spent some time outside today.

It was rainy, cloudy, dreary by anyone's standards.

But I sat down and the chickens came over to me,

my dog laid down next to me,

the birds darted and chirped around me.

All of the simple beauty of my life became so clear to me.

I couldn't help but smile and laugh.

I took this photo with my Ipod

and when I looked at it,

I saw it.

Pure Happiness.

Yes, life is good.

Life is for the living.

I am ALIVE.

And so, 

though I will never stop missing you both

and wishing you were physically with me.

I will move forward and live my life

the way you loved to see me live it.

Full of laughter, love, little adventures

and crazy ideas.

And I will know you are there,

watching, rolling your eyes, smiling and laughing.

Today and for now on

I CHOOSE HAPPINESS!

Ramblings of an Unsettled Mind

I don't know what this post is going to be about.  I just feel the need to post something.  I am bursting.  Bursting with emotions, feelings, joy, desires, goals, wants, needs, ideas, dreams.

24 hours in a day and a good 8 of them being spent in darkness so that we can sleep and re-charge our body and soul is simply not enough.  Not enough for me to spend the amount of time that I have to spend at my job, the amount of time I want to spend on my art, the amount of time I want to spend in my veggie gardens, the amount of time I want to spend in my flower beds, the amount of time I want to spend making delicious homemade foods of all varieties and not enough time to spend being a loving and giving person to those I love the most.

There are so many things that are filling my tank right now and I am overflowing and don't seem to have an emergency tank to fill with the overflow.  I am so high on life right now and it is a feeling I have not had for so long, that I am not quite sure how to manage it.  I feel as if at some point it is all going to come crashing down around me if I don't get a grasp on all that I have going on.  I am famous for getting myself into too much and then not being able to control the situation any more and let it all crumble around me.  I don't want that to happen anymore.  I want to rein in this energy and get it under control so that I can retain some control.  I feel as if I am moving at warped speed and I am going to crash head first into a cement wall if I don't watch my step.

I haven't felt this alive and filled with energy in such a long time.  Life is great but it can become stagnant and everyday is routine and the in and outs of my day can feel as if I am on auto-pilot and have no real control.  I am surrounded by so much beauty and simple pleasures, I really want to just take the time to enjoy it all.  I feel like I have been given a specified amount of time to enjoy this freedom and I am just trying to squeeze every bit of life, freedom and carefree living out of it that I can.  For I know, the shoe will drop at some point and this all will come spiraling down and I will start again from ground zero, yet one more time.

But in the mean time, I am going to keep hoping for more than 24 hours in a day and live life to the fullest, finding the beauty in the simplicity of it all.

A Weekend In Pictures

This weekend was so much fun.  Time spent with my sweetie, time spent with amazing women and the bonus of our first snow fall.  A perfect weekend by any one's standards.  The best way to explain it is to just show the photos.

Dinner on Saturday night was a birthday celebration for my dear friend Harrigan.  She turned 31 earlier in the week and to celebrate, we had a pasta making dinner and clothes swap.  For those of you unfamiliar with the clothes swap idea, it is basically getting to go thrift store shopping for free in your home.  Friends bring clothes, baby items and housewares that they no longer want or need and then you can swap and take what you want.  Even if you have nothing to add to the swap, you still get to go through everything and take what you like.  For this Thrift Store loving gal, it is a dream come true.  All the joy of thrift shopping without having to pay any money, cooking and eating with friends, drinking wine and cappuccinos and eating dessert and the fellowship of about 25 fabulous women.  What could be better?  I don't know, but would love to hear if any of you know of something better.

Menu for the night.

Freshly made balls of pasta dough.

 

Rolling the pasta dough through the pasta maker the final time.

 

If there is one thing this group of women can do, it is eat.  We made plenty of pasta so no one would leave hungry.

 

Homemade sauce with garden tomatoes, garlic, onion and olive oil.

What more could you need?

 

Harrigan putting the finishing touches on the dessert......

Pumpkin Spice Cake with Burnt Salted Caramel Crèam Cheese Frosting.

 

Dessert and wine

 

Dinner......

Homemade Fettuccine with tomato garlic sauce, Kale and brussel sprout salad with pepitas and cranberries and cabbage.

 

We should all open a restaurant together and take turns cooking and talking in the kitchen.

What a wonderful group of women.

 

 

After a perfect night, I woke this morning to the glorious site of freshly fallen snow.  Oh how I do love snow!!!!!  It brings out the kid in me.  Couldn't help but go out and get some photos of the magical beauty that is the snow.  Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





We Are Family

 

 

 

Yep, that is my family.  Not all of it, but a good bit of it.  In that photo is missing my oldest son, who lives in California, my oldest brother, who was in Texas for the Holiday, his daughter Meredith, who was spending time with her other PaPaw who is in the hospital, my niece Jessica and her husband Joe and their baby Olivia, they were in Massachusetts with Joe's family, and my nephew Dane and his wife Callie. He is in Texas in the Air Force and she is visiting him there before he is sent off to his next post.

 

We all gathered together at my brother Dan's house in Williamsburg for Thanksgiving.  It was such an amazing day.  Our family really is so wonderful.  I use to think that is was my mom who brought us all together, and it probably was.  But what makes me so happy, is that with my mom gone now, we make the effort to get together and spend the Holidays together.  Even though we aren't always able to be physically together, we are all there in spirit, and I feel that.  Life is hard.  We all have our own families, responsibilities, schedules, etc. but we still make time.  We still find a way.  It isn't easy, it isn't spontaneous, but we make it happen. 

 

It is true, I cried like a baby when we had to leave Thanksgiving night so that we could get my dad back home so he could be ready for his dialysis treatment in the morning and the rest of my family, kids included, stayed behind and continued to celebrate together.  But, there were tears of joy mixed in with those tears of sadness.  Joy that my kids felt comfortable staying behind to spend the night with their aunt and uncle so that they could visit with them longer.  Joy that they were welcomed into my brother's home as if it were their own and could stay as long as they pleased.  Joy that no matter how much time passes between our visits with each other, we pick right up as if it was just a matter of hours that we were all together last. 

 

My family means the world to me.  I am the only girl and the youngest of four children.  I was and am still spoiled rotten.  NOT spoiled ever with material things, but spoiled with unconditional, un-wavering love from my family.  From my earliest memories, I have ALWAYS known that I was loved dearly by my mom, dad and all 3 of my older brothers.  I never, ever doubted for a minute or even a second that I was loved.  And I hope with all my heart that no one in my family has ever doubted my love for them.  Our family is not perfect.  We have our share of ups and downs and misunderstandings like all families do.  But love always prevails. 

 

I have been in some dark places recently in my mind.  This happens to me from time to time.  Bouts of depression are something that I battle constantly.  But this Holiday season, even with my depressive times, I am starting to see how lucky I really am.  I am fighting it and choosing to see the happy moments and the beauty in life.  It is easy for me to dwell in the sadness and darkness.  It is easy for me to be sad that my mom is not here to be with us.  But what I have realized is that doesn't change anything.  It won't bring my mom back and it won't make the memories I could be making, happy ones.  I know my mom would not want me sacrificing happiness in order to keep her memory alive.  That isn't necessary.  Her memory will be kept alive even if I am happy and am enjoying the life that I still have to live.  My mom loved the Holidays and would want all of us to enjoy them and

celebrate them as she raised us to do. 

 

The past two days, I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching.  Through my art, practicing yoga and just sitting and being, I have come to an inner peace and happiness I have not known in a while.  I am in charge of my happiness.  I am in charge of my misery.  It is my choice to be one or the other.  I choose happiness. 

 

I leave you with a few photos that I took of some of the things that make me happy.  Sites I see everyday that make me smile.  Simple, un-pretentious sites that make me happy.  May they make you smile too.  Happy Holidays to you all.

XXOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



My Saturday Morning In Pictures

Good Morning Sunshine!!!!!!
 

 

 

A beautiful, chilly, frost bitten morning.

Happy Saturday everyone,

make it a great one!!!!

XXOO

 

Tea with my chooks to start the day

 

 

Sylvester

 

 



Nephertiti

(actually she is a he)

 

 



Loving her puffy cheeks

 

 



About to hop in her box

 

 



Figs that the chooks haven't found yet

 

 



Frost on their leaves

 

A brave rosebud the frost hasn't killed

 

 

A spot to stop and rest

 

 Warm up by the stove

Now to get another cuppa and enjoy my morning

 

 

ps. the quality of the pics aren't so great as I was using my Ipod while outside to take pics.  But you get the idea at least, right?