We Are Family

 

 

 

Yep, that is my family.  Not all of it, but a good bit of it.  In that photo is missing my oldest son, who lives in California, my oldest brother, who was in Texas for the Holiday, his daughter Meredith, who was spending time with her other PaPaw who is in the hospital, my niece Jessica and her husband Joe and their baby Olivia, they were in Massachusetts with Joe's family, and my nephew Dane and his wife Callie. He is in Texas in the Air Force and she is visiting him there before he is sent off to his next post.

 

We all gathered together at my brother Dan's house in Williamsburg for Thanksgiving.  It was such an amazing day.  Our family really is so wonderful.  I use to think that is was my mom who brought us all together, and it probably was.  But what makes me so happy, is that with my mom gone now, we make the effort to get together and spend the Holidays together.  Even though we aren't always able to be physically together, we are all there in spirit, and I feel that.  Life is hard.  We all have our own families, responsibilities, schedules, etc. but we still make time.  We still find a way.  It isn't easy, it isn't spontaneous, but we make it happen. 

 

It is true, I cried like a baby when we had to leave Thanksgiving night so that we could get my dad back home so he could be ready for his dialysis treatment in the morning and the rest of my family, kids included, stayed behind and continued to celebrate together.  But, there were tears of joy mixed in with those tears of sadness.  Joy that my kids felt comfortable staying behind to spend the night with their aunt and uncle so that they could visit with them longer.  Joy that they were welcomed into my brother's home as if it were their own and could stay as long as they pleased.  Joy that no matter how much time passes between our visits with each other, we pick right up as if it was just a matter of hours that we were all together last. 

 

My family means the world to me.  I am the only girl and the youngest of four children.  I was and am still spoiled rotten.  NOT spoiled ever with material things, but spoiled with unconditional, un-wavering love from my family.  From my earliest memories, I have ALWAYS known that I was loved dearly by my mom, dad and all 3 of my older brothers.  I never, ever doubted for a minute or even a second that I was loved.  And I hope with all my heart that no one in my family has ever doubted my love for them.  Our family is not perfect.  We have our share of ups and downs and misunderstandings like all families do.  But love always prevails. 

 

I have been in some dark places recently in my mind.  This happens to me from time to time.  Bouts of depression are something that I battle constantly.  But this Holiday season, even with my depressive times, I am starting to see how lucky I really am.  I am fighting it and choosing to see the happy moments and the beauty in life.  It is easy for me to dwell in the sadness and darkness.  It is easy for me to be sad that my mom is not here to be with us.  But what I have realized is that doesn't change anything.  It won't bring my mom back and it won't make the memories I could be making, happy ones.  I know my mom would not want me sacrificing happiness in order to keep her memory alive.  That isn't necessary.  Her memory will be kept alive even if I am happy and am enjoying the life that I still have to live.  My mom loved the Holidays and would want all of us to enjoy them and

celebrate them as she raised us to do. 

 

The past two days, I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching.  Through my art, practicing yoga and just sitting and being, I have come to an inner peace and happiness I have not known in a while.  I am in charge of my happiness.  I am in charge of my misery.  It is my choice to be one or the other.  I choose happiness. 

 

I leave you with a few photos that I took of some of the things that make me happy.  Sites I see everyday that make me smile.  Simple, un-pretentious sites that make me happy.  May they make you smile too.  Happy Holidays to you all.

XXOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



A Gentle, Easy Couple Of Days

I knew Friday when I left work, that this weekend would again be one with little activity.  Rest and relaxation were the only two things on my menu for the weekend. Saturday, I watched as the sun rose over the mountains and settled myself in front of the wood stove for the day, with my blanket, my art supplies and journal.  Robby had left early to go hunting so I had the house to myself for the morning hours.

I love the early morning and the time I have to reflect on life.  Something about being in a quiet house, the world just waking up and the animals outside beginning to stir, is so comforting to me.

Sunlight streaming through my kitchen window.

 

Ever since my mom died, these last 3 months of the year are more difficult for me.  Finding joy in the Holidays is a struggle, being bothered to prepare for the Holidays is almost paralyzing.  Not being at my best both physically and mentally, doesn't make it any easier to cope.  But I try to think of my mom and how much she LOVED the Holidays. Even with all the work she had to do to prepare, when we were all younger, and then later trying to figure out how we would all somehow spend time together, when we all had our own families and lives going on, she decorated, baked, cooked and celebrated the joy that Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas brought.  Even on the morning of the day she died, she told my dad that after his dialysis treatment was over, they must go get candy to hand out to the handful of kids that would show up at their door that Halloween night. This year my dad went overboard and bought much more candy than would ever be handed out to the 6 kids that might come by, but he bought the candy.  He has taken over where mom left off.  He knew she would have wanted it that way.

 

So, as I struggle to make it through these last few months of the year, I am trying to see the beauty again in the simple and small things.  Not just the obvious beauty of the living, but also the beauty in objects whose prime has passed.  The rose hips left behind from blooming roses, the dried plumes of my ornamental grasses and the dried leaves which have fallen from the trees.  There is beauty everywhere and a reason to celebrate life, even in death.  I know my mom would not want for me to continue to mourn her.  She wouldn't want to know that for at least 3 months of the year, I slip into a dark place that is hard for me to work my way out of.  But I take the time to work my way out, and with camera in hand, I see the beauty that mom would see too.

 

 And while this weekend was a weekend of the three R's....rest, relaxation and reflection.  I leave you with one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver.

 

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert,

repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell

you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean

blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

 





A Weekend of Rest.......Mentally and Physically

Today has been a day of healing for me.
Both mentally and physically.
I am fighting a cold and sore throat that I am certain one of my darling little 2 year olds gave to me at work.
I am also trying to catch up on rest, if not sleep, that I have been lacking for the past 2 weeks.
For whatever reason, my brain has decided that sleep is not necessary for me, and staying asleep
for more than 2 hours at a stretch has proved impossible lately.

When I am nursing a cold, I like to stick with natural, holistic remedies.  Me and medications have a love/hate relationship.  I love what they do when they work, but I hate how they make me feel in the process.  So I try and stay away from them.

 

 

 Ingredients for Turmeric Lassi that I made last weekend to help ward off this cold and boost  my immune system. 

 

 





 Today's drink of choice to help soothe a sore throat.  I am not able to drink caffeine anymore, so I am really glad that my favorite Tulsi tea is caffeine free.  A lot of time, I will make up my own lemon ginger tea, but today I just was not feeling it and took the easy way out.  I have had my tea kettle on the wood stove for most of the day, keeping my water hot and ready for whenever my tea cup ran low.

Healing the body is one thing, but healing the soul is another.  The past two weeks have been tough ones for me and I am working through a few personal things.  Nothing earth shattering,  just things I need to deal with.  Today, I decided not to think about those particular things and I would let another part of my mind take over.  I brought my paints out next to the wood stove, set up a nice area to do some painting and found a lesson in Tamara Laporte's Life Book 2013 course that Mindy Lacefield was teaching and got busy.  It was so fun to paint like a child and just let go.  I have been in such a funk lately, I forgot how much doing my art makes me relax and lets my mind just shut off.  It was really, really nice.

I just painted this one right into my art journal knowing that I would probably be journaling throughout the day and weekend.  It's called A Bunny Party and it just makes me smile.

Next was a Mindy Lacefield inspired self portrait.  I really love the way Mindy paints.  Her whimsical, colorful approach to her art is so happy.  And her techniques are such that I can make them work for me. 

 Tomorrow I will do more of the same.  Probably more journaling with pen and paper so that I can dump out some ideas and thoughts rambling around in my little head, that other people don't really need to read nor probably want to read.

I have a few photos to post before I sign off.   They are of the wood box that my sweet hubby designed for me, using old doors that we found in an abandoned barn. Robby built it and I sanded the wood down to a smooth finish and then covered it in a clear finishing wax.  The paint is all the original paint on the doors.  I simply love it and especially love the shelf he added so that I can create little arrangements of some of my favorite objects and change them out on a whim.  We have our wood stove burning from October until well into March and sometimes even April.  That means we go through a lot of firewood, so it is nice to have something so pretty holding our wood and a few of my favorite things.