30 Years Later I Can Finally Say.........

Tonight, many of my high school friends will get together in my hometown, to celebrate 30 years of our graduating high school.  I won't be there to celebrate with them, but I have enjoyed catching up on Facebook with many of them.  So since I can't be there to talk about what life has brought to us over the past 30 years, I thought it would be a good subject to blog about. When I graduated from high school, I really was clueless as to what I wanted to do with my life.  I went away to college and chose a major in Physical Education.  Why?  I have no idea!!!!!  I had no idea what I wanted to do but had to pick something and that is what I chose.  That didn't last long.

This was me 30 years ago in my Senior Portrait:



 

 This photo really does just crack me up.  It so does not represent what I looked like in high school at ALL!!!!!!  I was not even allowed to wear make-up until I turned 18 but you would sure never know it from this photo.  I was also NOT allowed to color my hair or have a professional color my hair.  Clearly, this is not my natural hair color though.  I worked as a lifeguard during the summers and this particular summer I really, really wanted to have lighter highlights in my hair.  Knowing I couldn't go and have it done or get my friend Karin to do it, I took matters into my own sneaky hands.  I took a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, yep, the stuff you put on cuts, and poured it all over my hair while I was working at the pool, sitting in the sun and swimming in chlorinated water.  I was certain that it would give me the desired effect I was looking for and yeah, I was WRONG!!!!!  My hair was a lot longer than this picture shows, but I had a lot of it cut off so as to not have to look at so much horrible copper-brassy colored, dry, damaged hair.  My mom didn't say a word when I came home from work that day.  I guess she figured that my having to live with what I had done was enough punishment for me.  And of course, Senior Portraits were scheduled to be taken about two weeks after I had done this to myself.  I would forever have a photo to remind me of the error of my ways.  So between the heavy handed make-up the lady at Caston Studio put on my face and my horribly short, fake colored hair, I ended up with a photo that resembles someone I don't even know.

This was my high school picture the year before.  Notice I have on no make-up, my hair is pulled back and I put absolutely no effort at all into trying to look good for picture day.  Truth is, I remember completely forgetting it was picture day and I had on a hoodie sweatshirt all day because it was cold.  When they called my name to go down to have my photo taken, I just ripped off my sweatshirt, didn't brush my hair at all, sat down and smiled. Snap, picture was done.  We wore our cheerleading uniforms that day which is why I am wearing that sweater.  Funny thing is, this has always been my favorite photo of me in all of my years of school, besides maybe elementary school.  It looks like me, I was being myself and I was comfortable in my own skin.

"Comfortable in my own skin" is something I really never was in school.  I never felt like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.  I remember always feeling like I had to be someone different for every group I was with so that they would like me.  As a result, I never really had a "click" I belonged in.  I was just kind of friends with everyone but not really anyone's friend.  Actually, that isn't really true.  My best friend since I was 12 years old has been Karin, but at one point in high school, she dated one of my ex-boyfriends and he didn't want us being friends so I had a good 2 years or so of us not being able to hang out together or talk to each other, but that is another story.  (why do we as high school girls let boys control us like that?  so dumb!!!! ) 

My parents were really strict and that didn't help my social life any.  I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 and I had a really early curfew, plus I had the fear of God instilled in me by my parents, so I didn't push the curfew thing or dare be late.  Don't get me wrong, I still pushed some limits, I just made sure I was done pushing those limits by 11:00 so I was home on time. I was not a saint for sure!
I met my high school sweetheart my senior year and he fell in love with me inspite of my awful hair :)  He had already graduated from my high school but took me to my senior prom and we dated for 5 years after that.  I broke up with him when I met the father of my 4 boys.  It wasn't a very pretty break up by anyone's standards, but I did do it in person, unlike today when kids send text messages or a tweet on twitter to let you know they are breaking up with you. 

I think the reason I was so quick to break up with my boyfriend was because I felt like I really was never going to be the type of girl he would want to marry.  He was working in the corporate world and I really didn't see me being the corporate wife.  I was too much of a free spirit for that and didn't think I would ever meet those standards.   Meeting someone who was from out of town and knew nothing about me gave me the chance to try to be as authentic as I could be.  And I was.  And that was enough.  For a while.

I went on to marry that man I broke up with my high school sweetheart for.  We were married exactly 1 year and 9 months later.  Looking back, it wasn't really a very long time to have been dating someone before you get married to them. When we met, he lived in Northern Virginia, I still lived in Richmond.  I packed up my belongings and moved to Northern Virginia 6 months after we met so I could be closer to him, we were engaged 6 months after that and married 9 months after that.  To make a 14 year long story short, let's just say that I gave birth to 4 AMAZING sons who are the reason for every breath I take.  I discovered that I am a really, really simple person who really, really loves life's simple pleasures.  I tried really hard to be the wife who loved wearing make-up, going out to social events, making small talk and talk about important worldly topics, but it just wasn't me.  I just really wanted to be at home with my kids and be good enough just as I was, not trying to be something I wasn't.  I had spent so many years of my teens and early twenties being someone I wasn't, I was tired of the game.  Some people are lucky enough to know exactly who they are, what they want and the path that they are going to take and stick with in life.  Then some, like me, take a little longer to find the confidence to believe in themselves and love themselves enough to not compromise any longer.  Don't laugh, but in Katy Perry's new song ROAR, she pretty much sums up how I spent the first, oh 38 years of my life.  These are the lyrics that ring so true to me:



I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sit quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

 

This is not a good way to live one's life and it brings a lot of sadness and heartache.  Being on my own was hard and I went through some really, really tough times that I don't wish on my worst enemy.  But when I came out on the other side, I was a new person who was ready to live my life as my authentic self since I had finally figured out who that was.  I was lucky enough to find a man who loves me for exactly who I am.  I told him all of my flaws and my past mistakes and dumped all of the baggage that comes with me at his feet and he didn't even flinch.  For once, because I finally was happy with the person I was, I was able to let someone love me completely and I wasn't afraid he would leave.  Robby has been my rock through some really tough times over the past 9 years that we have been together.  He loves my boys like they are his own and when my mom died 2 years ago this month, he watched me completely fall into a million tiny, little pieces and he patiently put all those pieces back together again with love and patience.  He loves me without makeup, doesn't mind that I don't want to color my hair anymore and am letting it go gray.  He is blind enough to think that the art I create is good and he is brave enough to eat anything I cook and place in front of him.  He helps me pursue my dream of raising free range, organic chickens and eggs and has promised we can have some more animals once I quit my job.  He helps me tend the very large organic veggie garden we have and even helps with the canning and preserving of all the extra we have.  Now, Robby is a hot blooded male and he does love it when every now and then I decide to put away my hippy, tree hugging, granola, crunchy-ways for a few hours and dress up a little, put on a little bit of makeup, wear my hair down and wear some shoes that aren't my Birckenstocks, hahahaha.  Lucky for me, getting dressed up to him means I can wear tight fitting jeans,  a blouse or sweater and my cowboy boots or a dress and my cowboy boots!!!  (gotta love those country boys)  We fit perfectly together, but it took me 38 years to find that perfect fit. 

 

Robby and I have been married for 3 years.  I am soooo happy I decided to be brave and get married again before my mom passed.  She loved Robby so much and knew how good he was for me and to me.  I truly believe our wedding day was one of the many, happiest days of her life and I am so glad she was here for it.  She certainly was surprised out how my life turned out and what it was that truly made me happy in the end.  She NEVER imagined I would live out in the country on 80 acres and have the dream of living off the land.  She certainly never thought I would grow to love cooking as much as I do considering I did not know how to cook one thing when I moved out of my parents house when I was 20.  I know it must have been so hard on her watching me take so long to "find" myself and settle down.  I have a gypsy soul and that is not easy for a parent to live with, I know, I have a son who has my same gypsy soul!!!!!  You never stop worrying about what will become of them. 

 

 

This is me today. My hair is only colored on the ends but that's because it is growing out from my last coloring job 2 years ago. The lovely "platinum" highlights are God's gift to me and I wear them proudly. And as you can see, I am not wearing makeup :)

 

And this is me wearing my favorite accessory, that ridiculously huge smile that appears very often and that I am proud to say, I am actually famous for :)  Okay, I admit, I did blow dry my hair straight this day.  Humidity was low and I wanted to change it up a bit, hahahaha.  By the way, I am so stinking happy in this photo because I scored two awesome vintage books to use in my mixed media art, for a whopping 50 cents a piece.  Now that will make this girl SMILE!!!!!!!

 

 







Wow, this has really turned into a long post and I am not sure it even went where I started out thinking it would go.  BUT, I do know the point was, I was reflecting on my life over the past 30 years.  It would be nice to have been able to go to my reunion tonight and talk to the people that knew me way back when.  I would love to know if any of them felt the same way I did in school and if it has taken any of them as long as it has taken me to get where I am happy with my life.  I guess that is part of the reason too that I didn't  make a bigger effort to go.  It is easy for me to chat on Facebook with people and they like what they see and read, but what if when I really showed up in person, I wasn't who they thought I would be?  I like to think that, that young, incredibly insecure Debbie is really gone, but I am not sure I am really ready to test it, hahahaha.  I know I wouldn't have the energy to change on the spot and be someone different, so they would just get what they get.  But on second thought, I probably should have gone because I am pretty sure they would all think I was just fine:) 

 

30 years later I can finally say......... I love myself, I love my life and I can't wait to see what the next 30 years have to show me.  Happy 30 Year High School Reunion to me and all of my 1983 J.R.Tucker High School classmates!!!!!!!!


A long overdue Stay-Cation!!!!!

I love stay-cations!!!!  I actually love them more than vacations.  I love to travel, but I always end up missing home and my comfort zone.  Usually when I go away some place, it is pretty special and I end up getting inspired and want to rush home to do whatever it is that has inspired me.

Thanks to blogs and all of the amazing creative people I have discovered because of blogs, I now don't have to go anywhere to be inspired.  I am able to see into the homes, gardens, kitchens and creative spaces of so many people and it gives me so much inspiration.

So this stay-cation is going to be spent taking photos with my camera and not just my I-Pod, gardening and getting my feet and hands in the dirt and a touch of sun on my face, make some fun art for myself, do some creative cooking, hatch more peeps AND celebrate Robby's and my 3 year wedding anniversary:)

So without further adieu, here are a few of the photos I have taken.  I'm off to go make some pulled venison tacos for dinner and use lettuce from our garden and our last onion from last year's harvest for some of the toppings.

Have a fantastic night and a terrific Tuesday.  And please say some prayers for the poor people in Oklahoma who are going through such a devastating time.

XXOO

Iris or Flags as my mother-in-law calls them

 Joseph's Coat Climbing Rose

 Peonies are a little behind this year.  But that's okay, I just get to enjoy them longer.

 My little succulent garden waking from a cold winter's sleep.

 Someone help me out here, because I cannot for the life of me remember what this is called!!!

 More Iris......

 and more.

 Columbine in the front, Japanese Maple in the back.

 Oh yeah, that would be......more Iris.....

 and another, similar but not the same.

 They have no scent, but they are still pretty in their own simple way.

Knock-Out Roses

 Did I mention I have some Iris?

 My Wisteria is so close to blooming.

 One of the 3 Robin's nest around the house, built in the corner of the arbor where the Wisteria grows.

 Robin's nest number 2, built in our Redbud Tree.

My favorite one, built under the umbrella on our deck.  Last year was her first year building a nest here and she came back again this year.

 

A little blurry, but these are the 4 eggs that are in the nest under the umbrella:)

 Papa Robin from the Redbud Tree nest, hanging with our bunnies who also have a nest in one of my flower beds!!!  Such a little haven here for the wildlife!!!

 I just love this little statue.

It makes me wonder what they are saying to each other!!

 A little bit of shady lushness. (is lushness a word?)

 

 

 

 













Wickedly Warm Wonderful Weekend

The reason we were all together was to offer our love and support to my dear nephew Dane and his new wife Callie.  They were married this past Saturday, in temperatures reaching 106 degrees.  A beautiful wedding which was reflective of  Dane and Callie.  A ceremony outside, in the woods, next to a creek, surrounded by the people who love them the most.  My mom would have loved  how beautiful and simple it all was. 

It was the first time many of us had met any of Callie's family but it sure didn't seem that way.  I think the extreme heat made everyone just a little bit easier to get to know.  We were all sweating terribly and joking about the heat which seemed to just relax everyone a bit.  Southern Hospitality was at an all time high as Callie's parents opened up their home to all of us..  A beautiful home in the woods, with gorgeous gardens, a wonderful wrap around front porch, and my favorite, SHEEP!!! 

Spending time with my brother and sister-in-law was extra special.  They had prepared a lovely brunch for us once we had made the 3 1/2 hour drive to their home, before the wedding.  Country Ham biscuits, fresh fruit salad, cinnamon buns and of course sweet tea.  There was such a difference in the stress levels between my brother Stephen and my brother Danny, whose daughter was married in April.  I have decided I am truly the lucky one to have 4 sons and not any daughters.  The parents of the groom have it much easier that's for certain.  Mary and Stephen were so calm and just needed to make sure they showed up on time and that was it.  Quite a contrast to Danny who had a house full of girls trying to get ready minutes before the wedding, at his house in April.  However, both of my brothers handled their situations with grace and style.

One of the best parts of this wedding weekend was that my niece, Kristina, came to stay for the weekend so she could go to the wedding with us.  She arrived on Friday and the fun began.  It is a well known fact that I have 4 sons, no sisters and not a lot of female friends around.  So when I get a girl in the house with me for a weekend, it is promising to be a stellar weekend.  We cooked, we crafted, we sewed, we played with baby calves and we did some chicken therapy.  It was a PERFECT visit.  I taught Kristina to make my version of Lemonade, Shrimp Scampi, Cucumber Salad and homemade laundry detergent.  She in turn taught me how to make Milk Chocolate brownies with Cream Cheese Frosting and Envelope Pillow Covers and gave me a few other sewing secrets which will make my future projects much easier to accomplish.  She also has promised to teach me how to make my unruly curly hair straight, by just using a blow dryer and a brush rather than a flat iron.  If she can manage that, I owe her my life.  This week, when I am not in the veggie garden trying to salvage what the lack of rain and record breaking heat has not destroyed, I will be making pillow covers over and over again until I have it completely mastered.  I have an entire bolt of fabric I paid a ridiculously high price for 20 some years ago which I no longer like, so I will use that to perfect my skills.  Then I will go buy material I DO like, and start sewing pillow covers for my sofa, chairs and anything else that would look better with a  new pillow on it.



I hope you all had a great weekend and that the week ahead brings everyone cooler temps and maybe some rain:)  Enjoy these snapshots of the wonderful weekend we had.

Time to feed the Mamas and the Papa

Sylvester and Kristina bonding.

  Kristina letting Limpy nurse on her fingers.

Yes, calves need binkies too.

The reason the young always look so gorgeous.

They grab beauty sleep at every opportunity.

Our 3 1/2 hour drive to North Carolina for the wedding.

A last minute family snap shot before Dane leaves to go get dressed for the wedding.

One last hug before he is a married man:)

Beanie and I trying to stay cool on our way to the wedding..

My dream front porch.

This is Callie's parents home and it is amazing.

So homey and comfy and welcoming.

My new niece and my handsome nephew.

What was left of the Milk Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting Brownies.

Homemade Laundry Detergent

Our crafting weekend.

My pillow I made, the Cricut and the homemade card I made.

Beaning copying down my recipes and  next to her,

another 15 quarts of green beans Robby canned.

Oh how I hate goodbyes. 

We both agreed to have our picture taken even though we have

messy up-do hair.

I LOVE this kid!!!!!!!!!





Mother's Day Pity Party

No nice way to say it.....today sucks!!!!!  For all of you moms who are celebrating your mother's day with your kids, I am so happy for you.  For all of you kids who have a mom to celebrate Mother's Day with, I am so jealous of you.  Me?  Today I don't have either and I am sulking in a BIG way!!!!!

Yesterday, this is how I got to celebrate Mother's Day with my mom.

My dad, one of my brother's and one of my dad's nurses from dialysis and I went to put flowers on my mom's marker.  Happy day, wooo hoooo!!!!!!!  It's a crock of poo that this is how I have to celebrate Mother's Day with my mom now.  It sucks!!!!!!  Even if my flowers from my garden made her marker look pretty, it still sucks.

Last year I bought her a really pretty hand painted glass candle holder for Mother's Day and went to Richmond to see her.  I took her flowers that day too and left her gift here in Edinburg by mistake, duh!!!!  When she went to dialysis that following Monday with my dad, the patients there asked her what all of her children had given her for Mother's Day and she said i gave her some cut flowers.  They all asked her if that was all I had really given her and she said yes.  Boy did i feel like a rotten daughter.  I had told her I had a gift for her that I had actually bought back at the beginning of April  but had forgotten to bring it with me, but I think she didn't really believe me.  I took it to her the next time I went home to visit she and my dad, and that is when she told me about what the patients had said to her at dialysis.  I told her to make sure she told them I had brought her belated gift to her so they wouldn't think I was such an awful daughter.  What I would do to have her here this year to do something dumb like that again.  I like to think she and her mom, my grandmother, are having a great day spending Mother's Day together for the first time in a long time.  And I do hope she saw the flowers I brought for her this year too.

My kids are with their dad and their brand new step-mom.  Their dad got remarried yesterday so I guess they are celebrating Step-Mom's day with the new step mom.  Do I sound bitter?  Yes, of course I do.  Planning a wedding on Mother's Day weekend so your kids can't see their mom for mother's day is mean.  Okay, I will give him the fact that when he set the date, he didn't know my mom wouldn't be alive on this Mother's Day and that it may be an extra tough day for me, but still.  He could have given them the car keys and told them to drive here for the day and surprise me, couldn't he have?  I'm sorry, I am being childish and selfish, but it's my blog and this is why I have it...so I can write what is really bothering me.  If I say all of this out loud, I just start crying hysterically and feel even more crappy afterwards.  This way I can pound on the keyboard as i type all of this out and it gives me a little bit of satisfaction. 

My Mother's Day post was going to be a really sweet post about how wonderful my mom is, was.  I was going to go down memory lane and tell about the funniest, happiest moments I remember with my mom.  I was going to talk about how she had the patience of a saint with me because I was really a difficult daughter for her at times.  I never let a year go by that i did not disappoint her in some way or another but yet, she was always there for me.  It's no wonder her hair turned gray so fast after she had me.  If I didn't agree with something she said, I never kept my mouth shut about it like my brother's did when they were younger. NO, I had to just get right up in her face and tell her I was right and she was wrong.  (know what?  she was actually always right, but at the time I couldn't see the forest for the trees)  This post was going to be a tribute to my mom, but in all of my selfish misery today, I can't seem to sit down and write gushy sweet stuff.  I feel it in my heart, and I have written the gushy, sweet stuff in other posts.  But today, just bitter, foul nastiness is all that I feel.

So there you have it, my Mother's Day Pity Party.  I am now going to conclude my party and try to make something positive come from the rest of my day.  I am going outside to play with my chickens, find where Ebony disappears too everyday, hope she has a nest filled with eggs she is almost ready to sit on, and later on cook a yummy steak on the grill with my loving and very patient Robby.  I really do wish all of you moms a super Mother's Day and please forgive my ranting and raging.

Debbie



The Life I Love

Wow, where do I start.  I have been wanting to put another post of for several days, but have been so busy living my life, I haven't had a chance to sit down and write about it. 

I have still been going to work everyday, but for a change, it seems that there is much more to life now than just going to work.  Maybe it is the longer days, but I get so much done at night now, I finally don't feel like a slave to my 9-5 job.  Don't get me wrong, given the chance I would give it up in a heart beat to be at home all the time, but that chance hasn't come along yet, hehehe.

So, between more chickens being brought into the family, a Chook Coup renovation, dinner with my wonderful new friends, veggie garden planting, laundry dried on the clothesline, my birthday, egg incubating, fighting off a nasty sinus infection and many other little tasks, my life is feeling pretty full these days.  So, this post will be less writing and more pictures to illustrate my life right now. 

I hope you enjoy seeing this pictures because I am most absolutely enjoying the life that these pictures represent.  Tomorrow I hope to write some more and of course show more pictures.  Enjoy and have a super night or day (if you are one of my new Australian buddies). 

XX,

Debbie

 Trevor and Evan feeding the girls some spinach from the garden.

Every year we have a pair of Robins who come and make a nest at our Arbor.  This year, we have two very brave Robins who made a nest in the top of the umbrella on the table where we eat, on the deck.  Trevor placed a bunch of nest building supplies on the railing of the deck so they wouldn't have as far to go to find what they needed.  Such a sweetie.

Maxwell and his ladies love it when the door is open and the TV or radio is on.  They come right up to the door to get a better listen.

Robby decided if we were going to have babies, there needed to be some renovations on the coup.  So....he took down the right side of the chicken yard and built new walls and put up siding.  He put two rectangular vent windows on the front and the back and added a special area inside where the peeps can go once they are old enough to go outside but still too young to fight off  the older gals and Randy Rooster Maxwell.  He is just the best man in the whole wide world.  I really don't know what I ever did to deserve him, but I am sure glad I did it:)

The chooks sure do like the fresh dirt that was put around the foundation of the new addition.  Plenty of worms for them to scratch for.

The strawberries are really coming on. Very soon they will be turning a beautiful, juicy red and then it is pickin time:) Can't wait!!!!!

The veggie gardens are starting to do well too.  Lot's of lettuce and spinach plus the onions are doing really well and the little spring onions are coming along also.  New squash and zucchini plants are starting to come up, as are cucumber plants, corn and potatoes.  

Dragonflies are one of my favorite insects.  I just love how they dart around and then come set next to me while I weed the garden.

There are a few things that shout out country living to me.  They include, laundry hanging out to dry.

A pickup truck parked where ever you need it to be parked, to unload the bed.

A big ole Deere parked just where you need it to tear down, build up and dump dirt just where you want it.

Another robin nest built in one of our outbuildings on top of my hoe I use in the garden.  Guess I will be doing all my weeding by hand until the babies hatch and fly the coup.

Our usual robins nest in the corner of the arbor.  These have been a regular here ever since Robby built me the arbor 4 years ago.  Clearly they love wisteria as much as I do.

And last but not least, my new apron that my wonderful friend Meg gave me for my birthday.  She saw it and just knew I had to have it, and she was absolutely right!!!!!!