Yesterday, this is how I got to celebrate Mother's Day with my mom.
My dad, one of my brother's and one of my dad's nurses from dialysis and I went to put flowers on my mom's marker. Happy day, wooo hoooo!!!!!!! It's a crock of poo that this is how I have to celebrate Mother's Day with my mom now. It sucks!!!!!! Even if my flowers from my garden made her marker look pretty, it still sucks.
Last year I bought her a really pretty hand painted glass candle holder for Mother's Day and went to Richmond to see her. I took her flowers that day too and left her gift here in Edinburg by mistake, duh!!!! When she went to dialysis that following Monday with my dad, the patients there asked her what all of her children had given her for Mother's Day and she said i gave her some cut flowers. They all asked her if that was all I had really given her and she said yes. Boy did i feel like a rotten daughter. I had told her I had a gift for her that I had actually bought back at the beginning of April but had forgotten to bring it with me, but I think she didn't really believe me. I took it to her the next time I went home to visit she and my dad, and that is when she told me about what the patients had said to her at dialysis. I told her to make sure she told them I had brought her belated gift to her so they wouldn't think I was such an awful daughter. What I would do to have her here this year to do something dumb like that again. I like to think she and her mom, my grandmother, are having a great day spending Mother's Day together for the first time in a long time. And I do hope she saw the flowers I brought for her this year too.
My kids are with their dad and their brand new step-mom. Their dad got remarried yesterday so I guess they are celebrating Step-Mom's day with the new step mom. Do I sound bitter? Yes, of course I do. Planning a wedding on Mother's Day weekend so your kids can't see their mom for mother's day is mean. Okay, I will give him the fact that when he set the date, he didn't know my mom wouldn't be alive on this Mother's Day and that it may be an extra tough day for me, but still. He could have given them the car keys and told them to drive here for the day and surprise me, couldn't he have? I'm sorry, I am being childish and selfish, but it's my blog and this is why I have it...so I can write what is really bothering me. If I say all of this out loud, I just start crying hysterically and feel even more crappy afterwards. This way I can pound on the keyboard as i type all of this out and it gives me a little bit of satisfaction.
My Mother's Day post was going to be a really sweet post about how wonderful my mom is, was. I was going to go down memory lane and tell about the funniest, happiest moments I remember with my mom. I was going to talk about how she had the patience of a saint with me because I was really a difficult daughter for her at times. I never let a year go by that i did not disappoint her in some way or another but yet, she was always there for me. It's no wonder her hair turned gray so fast after she had me. If I didn't agree with something she said, I never kept my mouth shut about it like my brother's did when they were younger. NO, I had to just get right up in her face and tell her I was right and she was wrong. (know what? she was actually always right, but at the time I couldn't see the forest for the trees) This post was going to be a tribute to my mom, but in all of my selfish misery today, I can't seem to sit down and write gushy sweet stuff. I feel it in my heart, and I have written the gushy, sweet stuff in other posts. But today, just bitter, foul nastiness is all that I feel.
So there you have it, my Mother's Day Pity Party. I am now going to conclude my party and try to make something positive come from the rest of my day. I am going outside to play with my chickens, find where Ebony disappears too everyday, hope she has a nest filled with eggs she is almost ready to sit on, and later on cook a yummy steak on the grill with my loving and very patient Robby. I really do wish all of you moms a super Mother's Day and please forgive my ranting and raging.
Debbie
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