To Thy Own-Self Be True

Late last night and into the very wee hours of this morning, I was dealing with some very strong emotions.  Sleep would not find me even with the help of 2 glasses of wine and then 2 Benadryl at 3:00am.  All I wanted to do was to find a way to express and release my feelings but in some positive way. At the time all I wanted to do was to break something to release my emotions but I knew this was not a positive way to deal with what I was going through.
So, I decided to go to the one release that has never failed me in the past.  I had to do something physical and with my shoulder injury, I knew yoga or any other form of exercise was not possible.  So, I went to my little get away corner where I try to create and turn my feelings into some sort of art.  I am NOT an artist by any stretch of the imagination.  What I am is a hopeless romantic in all aspects of life and a HUGE DREAMER.  I believe in all things good and am so thrown when life presents the ugly to me. 

My "studio" is a corner of a room we call "the game room".  It is the room where my boys play Xbox, Trevor plays his drums to Rockband even if he is not actually playing Rockband, and a massive pool table that is rarely ever used takes up an enormous amount of space.  I am making peace with the pool table though, it is turning into an extra work table for me, hehehehe.



My little slice of heaven.






















Robby had the cabinet in his hunting room and was about to throw it out.  I snagged it right up and now it houses the few supplies I have.







 


I know it doesn't look like a "studio" by most peoples standards.  But soon, I will take over this whole room!
Hahahaha

  


I had no idea what I was going to create.  I just knew I had to make something.  My mind was instantly going to that place where I blame myself for things that go wrong that I really have nothing to do with.  So, I decided I needed to make some type of a re-affirmation to myself that I was not to blame for what was happening.  I needed to show myself that I am okay. I am not responsible for other's actions when they don't directly involve me.  So my love fest towards myself began.  It was time to start healing my heart again. 



First step, Gesso my wooden board then apply some colorful papers.

I had some pretty envelopes that I no longer had notepaper for.  So I cut off the flaps and glued them down to my board which ended up making a focal point for me.  

Next I found a cut out paper doll dress in the back of one of my mixed media books by this artist...http://mistymawn.typepad.com/.  I have this ridiculous love for birds for some odd reason, and this dress just spoke to me.  It had to represent me.  So down it went onto the board.



I would wear this dress everyday if it were real.

I also had a birthday card my parents had sent to me a few years ago for my birthday.  I LOVED the words that were printed on it.  I don't tell my parents about all the struggles I have with myself and my past, but I guess because they are my parents, perhaps they inherently  know of them.   The words on the card just spoke to me and I remember crying so hard the day I recieved this card and read it.  Shocking I know, the thought of me being emotional and crying.  Anywhoooo, I cut out a few of those lines and down they went onto the board.

 Love these words and the meaning behind them.  Especially the one above.  I so need to memorize this.

Now came the tricky part.  I had to give myself a face.  AGAIN, I am not an artist.  This is not a very big board, so the scale is not so big either.  Basically that means, i had to have a little head which made getting the facial features right even more difficult for me.  But, thanks to yet another great book I have....http://kellyraeroberts.com/book , I was able to follow some of the techniques for shading and putting the face down.  Here was my attempt.



Shadowing with acrylics to get the placement correct of the facial features.  Not too good at this clearly.

Now is where I think it took a turn for the worst.  Looking back now, I should have just left the shadowing as the face and not done another thing.  I really botched this part up, but, hey, I was having fun with the process and my mind was being occupied and put to positive use.  Nothing was being broken, this is a good thing.



Yep, not the prettiest girl in the world.  Good thing she has a cool dress with a bird and butterfly wings.





So the last step was to add a little color to the white to tone it down a bit.  You can see a little of the blue I applied using a piece of screening in one of the pictures above.

All in all, I was very happy with the turn out.  Mostly, I LOVED the process.  I was listening to some really good, positive music which was feeding my soul and bringing a calmness back to me.  As the sun started to shine, I saw things in a new light and I was able to process my thoughts better and calm my mind.  Art is such a personal thing and no one should ever put down another persons art.  You may not like it, or even understand it, but more than likely it was created for a purpose that may only ever be known to the creator themselves.  Writing is my art and so is creating.  I do it for myself, not anyone else.  I may want to share it with others at times, but the only one I am trying to heal, is myself.  



Out of order, but one other inspirational piece hanging in my "slice of heaven".

 I hung my picture on the wall just to take a photo of it by itself with a solid background.  I don't know where it will end up in my home.  Probably some place where I will see it everyday to remind myself of the two sayings I attached to it.


Not too bad from a distance.



Yes, my eyes are a little puffy, but I am pretty happy with what I did.

 I don't know what other people do to work through their emotions when they hit like a hurricane.  I would love for some of you to share with me how you cope with overwhelming circumstances that come out of nowhere.  I just know for me, this is much better than being on medication and so far, it is working.  Thanks for letting me share this with you.  And I would really love any comments that you want to leave.