Pushing, Pulling and Letting Go.

People have always said that being a parent is the hardest job there is. Boy, they weren't kidding. Having 4 sons ages 13 to 19, I run into various situations everyday. Trying to know when to interfere with my kids decisions and when to let them go on their own is so very difficult. I know as a child, I thought I knew all the answers and made many choices that my parents did not agree with. Many times once I got into my older teens, I made a lot of decisions they never knew anything about and surely they would not have agreed with those decisions. But, they never knew about them so they didn't have as much to worry about. In this age of Facebook and text messages, it is so easy to follow almost every step my kids take and every decision they make. This has turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing. My biggest fear as a kid was that my mom would find and read my diary, there by finding out all of my secrets. Today, just by reading the status of any of my kids on Facebook, I can pretty much figure out where their head is and what choices they are making. Now, for my younger kids, this is good because I can still have some say in what they are doing and try to help steer them in the right direction. For my older sons, especially the 19 year old, I just have to sit back, find a way to voice my opinion that doesn't seem to pushy and pray things will work out. Now it would be best if I just wouldn't read status updates and go with the "need to know only" theory, but I can't help myself. Pulling back and letting my children make their own mistakes and learn from them, have their own ewxperiences; good, bad and indifferent, and not trying to get them out of the messes they get into is soooooo hard to do. Not that I think I know what is best for them and what they should or should not be doing, but that I want to spare them the pain of mistakes and the hurt that life throws at us. I fear for them and fear they will makes choices that they will not be able to live with. I have made many mistakes as a mom and in my life in general and some of those mistakes have been very hard to live with. And I guess that is why it is so hard to sit back and watch my children grow up. Life is so hard even in the best situations, if I can make their lives easier and less painful, then my natural gut instinct is to do that. But that is not always what is best for them. Letting go and watching them take flight on their own is so very, very hard. I imagine a momma bird must feel the same when she tries to convince her babies they can fly and to make that leap from the nest. The ground must look so far away for all of them.