A few days ago I wrote as my status on facebook that I am trying to stay in the present, one day at a time. But that's not really what I want to do.
Staying in the present means I am re-living the morning of October 31, 2011
over and over again in my head.
Staying in the present means I keep thinking about what I could have done
to have made that day turn out differently, even though I already know the answer...
nothing.
Staying in the present means that I am trying so hard
to be excited for a holiday that I don't want to even hear about, but have no choice because I now work at a daycare center where it is what my two year olds are so excited about.
Staying in the present means thinking about the past
and getting stuck in it.
But it has to happen my friend. You have to go through these emotions in order for you to grow stronger within the memory. The past has happened, but the pain lingers. It is hard. But also remember that this time next year, this date will not be so painful. My prayers are with you. m.
ReplyDeleteOh my sweet Maria, thank you so much for your thoughtful words and giving me permission to still be grieving after a year. Some days are good, but these days and the ones to follow, honestly, are so painful once again. Thanks for the prayers:)
DeleteXXOO
Debbie