Well, okay, not really even a jack of ALL trades, but, you know what I mean.
This is the story of my life and lately it is making me crazy!!!!! I have always been a little off center. Not quite like anyone else I know, march to the beat of my own drum and hard to fit it in a category. But, not quirky enough or out of the box enough to be really good at the things those TYPE of people are good at. You know the type I mean, the artsy ones who are able to somehow put the quirky thoughts and ideas blasting through their minds at rapid speed, down on paper, or shape into clay, paint onto a canvas, sew onto some type of medium, write into music, choreograph into a dance, fashion into a piece of jewelry, etc.
That type is who I am in my mind, but somehow, there is a glitch in my wiring and I can't get put into play those thoughts in my mind. It is a most aggravating predicament. I pour through pages and pages of articles and pictures of other artist's work in magazines such as Mollie Makes and any and all of the Somerset magazines wishing I had what these artists have. I read their stories, and sure, some of them claim to have never known they had the ability and talents that they have until later in life when suddenly they realized what they could create. I am pretty sure this is not my case as I have always, since I was a little girl, wanted to be able to create something. I mean sure, I can look at other artists work and create my own version of what they have done. I can read any recipe and pretty much cook or bake whatever the recipe is for and it turn out pretty darn good. But what I can't do is come up with anything on my own. How do these artists, and I consider a chef or a baker an artist too, come up with the original ideas? How do I find what it is, that is my style? I love so many different forms of art and so many styles, but there must be something that is ME, my style.
I am obsessed with creating these days. I find more and more inspiration everyday. The internet has become a drug for me, sucking me farther and farther into a world of creating that I never knew existed. With each new artist I find, there is a link to another artist who inspires them, and off I go to find that artist. I can't get enough. Every waking moment is spent wanting to make something, find my style, my niche. I read blog after blog and search artist after artist looking for something. I carry a bag full of scrap material, watercolors, a sketch pad with watercolor papers inserted throughout, embroidery thread, a pack of needles, markers, sketch pencils, blank note cards to decorate just in case I get hit by a moment of honest originality and need to get it put on paper at that moment. I haunt thrift shops and flea markets looking for bits and bobs of old stuff: doilies, embroidered hankies, table runners, table cloths, cloth napkins, vintage fabrics and anything else I can re purpose into what, I don't know.
All I know to do is to keep signing up for the online workshops I find, beg others to please tape their workshops so that they can be put on line and keep on creating the way that I can. Most of what I make no one but me ever sees. There is the rare occasion that I may give something I have made to someone, or most likely make a handmade card for an occasion. I would love some day to have enough confidence in what I do to share it with others besides the Flickr groups that are in my online classes. I would love to come up with something completely my own from start to finish and it be good. But regardless of who does or doesn't see my work, I am having a great time pretending to be amazing and creative. There is just something so fun about painting, cutting, sewing together, taking apart and putting back together in a new way, gluing, drawing and imagining. I long for the day when I can spend all of my time doing just this, but when that day comes, it will also be time for me to get my little farm animals and be working my on going garden which will sustain my family all year through.
Oh dear, I fear that at the age of almost 48, I have waited too long to follow my heart's desire. I pray my body and mind hold out for all that I want to accomplish in my lifetime. Perhaps one lifetime is just not enough to do it all.
I would like to thank the artists that I can think of at the moment, for all of the inspiration they have given to me. Many have responded back when I have written them either on Facebook or their blog or etsy shop. One I get to call my sister and have the blessing of being a part of her life and work. These ladies all hold a special place in my heart and give me the fire and drive to keep trying to find my groove, my niche, my STYLE.
Vivian Driskill
Viv Sliwka
Jane Schouten
Phoebe Wahl
Rachelle Blondel
Tif Fussell
Tamara Laporte
Jeanne Oliver
Christy Tomlinson
Meg Duerksen
Megan Richards Modderman
Kelly Rae Roberts
Michelle Allen
Pam Garrison
Gina Rossi Armfield
Marisa Redondo
and last but not least, Frida Kahlo who was my very first inspiration. A truly tortured soul with amazing talent.
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