Everyday the mail brings more forms to fill out and mail back. More ugly ways to remember my dad is no longer here with us. When my mom passed, this didn't happen, but now that they are both gone, the paper work doesn't end. Reading a Will that is written in the first person and hearing my dad's voice as I read words he would never actually speak in the real world is something I just can't bring myself to do. I made it through less than half way, of the first paragraph and broke down sobbing. Not sure I will ever go back and read that paper......instead I handed it to Robby and asked him to just tell me what it is I need to do.
Through it all, I turn to the things that help me the most, my art and my family. I am trying really hard to stay on top of my emotions and not let myself slip into a state that requires medication to get me out of. Been there, done that, really don't want to re-visit that ugly place again. Today, I made this entry in a journal I am doing for an on-line art class called "Kingdom Come". I love the words to the song that accompanied the lesson and decided to include them in my journal entry. This song continues to play over and over again in my head. I believe it may just help.
Oceans
Where Feet May Fail
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debbie,
ReplyDeletei am so sorry for the loss of your father. i know that there are no words that are comforting right now. i don't know you but i am sending you a hug anyway. i find that hugs are the best kind of comfort in times like this. while i have not lost a parent and do not know that exact loss, i have lost many family members that i was very close to. my uncle passed just about a year ago now and it was very hard to see my mom have to deal with all of the paperwork surrounding his passing. she got through it with the help of family and friends, and you will too. i'm glad you are using your art to help you right now. and it will help! i did a lot of painting last fall after losing my uncle and it was comforting- it's a place to process without having to talk. i love your journal page with the beautiful sail boat, very peaceful. i'm glad to see that you are both a mom and a teacher (i've worked with young kids for years)- while i am sure it is hard to parent and teach right now in a way it is sort of a blessing. the kids keep us here, in the moment, help us put one foot in front of the other and keep going. i hope you have a good day today. i'll be thinking of you xx katie
Katie,thank you so very much for your sweet, kind words. I gladly accept your hug, for I am a lover of the hug. My 3 brothers, my 4 sons, my husband and my amazing kids at school, help me everyday to get through. They all fill my life with unconditional love and hope. I know how my mom and dad want me to carry on without them and it is so important to me to make them proud. But gosh darn it, it is so hard to not have them around anymore. But I will wake everyday and put one foot in front of the other and make my way through and when I can, I will escape to my studio or a quiet spot to unload my bag of goodies and create something. Thanks again for your love and support.
Deletexxoo
Debbie